Can I Really Change Things? (ON HOLD)

Chapter 38

Darkness. 

That's all there seemed to be.

Why was it always like this? Just when things were going well, why did fate have to be so cruel?

Was it not enough to ruin her past in such a way? Why did her future have to be ruined? 

It wasn't fair. Nothing in this world is fair. 

She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be back in Yunmeng, teasing Jiang Cheng with Wuxian and making lotus rib soup with Shijie. She didn't want to die. Not yet, not here. She couldn't just give up like this. It wasn't fair!  

She wanted to watch her disciples grow up and become the strong, amazing cultivators she knew they would turn out to be. She wanted to keep making things better for the people of YueYang Town. 

She didn't want to leave this world. Furthermore, she wanted to fall in love! God, she wanted to fall in love. She wanted to tell him how she felt. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops, she wanted to tell the world that she loved him with every fibre of her being. 

But she didn't know if she was ever going to get out of this bottomless pit of seemingly endless pain and heartbreak. 

She didn't want to open her eyes, she couldn't anyway. Besides, what would be waiting for her? Probably just more pain. 

She could feel herself moving, but it didn't matter, maybe she was already dead and this was the afterlife. Maybe this was hell. Maybe this is the fate that she was destined for the moment she was born.

Maybe she was just meant to be nothing but cannon fodder from the moment she arrived here. Maybe her coming here was just an accident, maybe she was never meant to be here in the first place.  Maybe she was never meant to exist in the first place.

Maybe everyone and everything would have been better off without her existing. That must have been it, otherwise why else would God be trying so hard to try and erase her existence completely? 

She could feel herself getting colder and colder. She hated the cold so, so much. She wanted to be warm, she wanted to be in Xichen's arms. She felt her stomach churning, she was going up in the air. 

Maybe she really was dead. Maybe she was finally going to be at peace. 

She could feel the cold and harsh wind on her face, her stomach felt empty. When was the last time she ate?  There was a harsh tugging and pulling on her arm. Someone was dragging her somewhere. 

Was she up in the air? She could hear voices, but they were muffled due to the wind and blood in her ears.  

She was on a sword. She was flying over somewhere. 

Trying her best to open her eyes, she squinted at her surroundings. 

She was on a sword. 

She was on a sword with Wen Chao.

They were over the Burial Mounds. 

"Ah, so it looks like you're finally awake." Wen Chao laughed, tightening his grip on her arm, letting her sleeve slip down to reveal her tattoo. Her sign of strength that seemed rather useless and ironic now. 

"Well, would you look at that, the rumours are true.  It seems like little Miss Perfect really is just a street rat. " He chuckled, hoisting her up to give her a better view of the absolute hellhole that has the Burial Mounds. 

"I don't think I need to even tell you where this is, after all, you know everything, right?!" he mocked.  

For the first time in her life, TaiFeng was afraid of someone else.

Desperately clinging to Wen Chao's sleeve with her free arm, she swallowed the lump in her throat and did something she never ever thought she would do.

She begged.

"W-wen Chao. N-no, Second Young Master Wen, m-maybe I was a little too unkind in the past. But i-its not too late for me to apologize." She quivered, a pathetic and pitiful look on her face.

"You don't h-have to do this. If you let me l-live, I promise, ill make it worth your while. I swear! I don't ever go b-back on my word! Please, d-don't do this!"

"Oh? What happened to the audacious woman earlier who said she would curse me and come to claim my soul?" He laughed.

"The resentful energy coming from down there is centuries old. Once you're down there, wherever you dig, there are bones. So what if you never received soul cleansing! In there, not even your bones will remain, let alone your soul!" He grinned.

"Qian TaiFeng. Go to hell!" he said, letting go of her arm, watching her fall into the endless abyss of darkness.

Screaming her lungs out, TaiFeng plummeted from the impossibly high heights, falling further and further down into the thick forest of dead and twisted trees and toxic black smoke.

Until the was no more air to fall from.

As she hit the ground with an earth-shattering thud, the sound of broken bones reverberated though the smoggy and ashen air. Her hair ornaments pierced through her scalp, and skinned parts of her hair, chains tangled up with blood and jet black hair.

She could hear the sound of her bones snapping and grinding on each other through her blood filled ears. Her eyes were bloodshot and tears freely flowed. She couldn't speak she couldn't move, she could only cry.

It hurt. It hurt so much. She wanted to scream and curse and yell and tell everyone that she was so, so sorry for letting them down. She wanted to tell Wuxian that she wouldn't be able to play around Lotus Pier with him again. She wouldn't be able to cook with Shijie any more. She'd no longer be able to cook stir-fry pork for her disciples.

She'd be unable to help Wangji get his feelings across to people any more. She would no longer be one of Lan Qiren's best students. There would be no one to help Uncle Six brew medicine. She couldn't tease Jiang Cheng.

She couldn't talk about fans with Huaisang any more. She and MianMian couldn't go shopping in the street any more. She wouldn't be able to make stupid bets with Zixuan any more. Meng Yao wouldn't have anyone one to talk to about his father issues. There would be no one to help Wen Ning be more confidant. 

There wouldn't be anyone there to make new memories with. 

'If there is a God. He'll have to beg for my forgiveness'.