Brain empty
Idea no work
Incorrect quote funny
__________
Scar: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Grian: Even better!
Scar: What the fuck did you-
Grian: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.
__
Xisuma, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?
Cleo: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*
Cleo:
Cleo: It's perfume.
—
Xisuma: What happened to your nose?
False: I used it to break some guy's fist.
—
Zedaph: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.
__
Doc to Bdubs: ARE YOU-
Etho: Fucking.
Doc: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Etho: Fucking.
Doc: IDIOT!
Bdubs: ...What was that?
Etho: X banned Doc from swearing, so I'm helping them out.
—
Stress, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Stress, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it's the LAW!
—-
Iskall: Hey Etho, wanna third wheel on my date with Stress tomorrow?
Etho: Sure.
Iskall: Beef! Wanna third wheel on my date with Stress tomorrow?
Iskall: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!
Etho & Beef: ...
Stress: Iskall...
___
Pearl: That's the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
Scar: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?
Pearl: I like the way you think.
___
Doc: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.
Doc: *upends the bottle*
__
Bdubs: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.
Doc: If I was married to you I'd drink it.
—
False: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
Cleo: What the hell!?
False: Oh, sorry, my bad.
False, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
Cleo, whispering: Of course. What do you need?
___
Mumbo: Pros and cons of dating me.
Mumbo: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Mumbo: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
—-
Xb: Could you maybe just like... stab me... right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. 'Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.
—
Jevin: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?
Hypno: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Xb, deer!"
Jevin: ...And what did Xb do?
Hypno: ...They said "Yes, Honey?"
__
Doc: so, as you can see band kids are clearly superior.
Stress: What? No Choir kids like False and I are the better group
Grian: Uh, NO! The strings and I have concluded we are supreme
Bdubs: HAH, armatures!
Doc: how so?
Bdubs: I AM THE ALMIGHTY THEATER KID ALL OF YOU COMBINED INTO ONE- NONE OF YOU MATCH MY POWE-
Doc: *aggressively strums electric guitar to block out the lies*
Stress: *unholy screeches of pain*
Grian: don't start a resistance don't start a resistance don't start a resistan- *aggressive violin playing*
____
YOU ARE READING
Hermitcraft/Empires SMP Oneshots!
FanfictionJust a bunch of random oneshots from hermitcraft, empires or the life series ranging from cringe confession fics to random angst. -- There WILL be shipping without a doubt but they are the minesonas not the real people, I take requests but keep...
