Harmless || Stray Kids ✔️

44

I don't know how to breathe. We're all itching to get this over with, but now we have two members who need to do another round. Who knows if facing the fear actually works?

I lie in my bed by myself. Everyone else has been up for hours. They let me sleep in, but I've been awake for awhile now. I don't have the motivation to face them. We haven't talked about it. We all went straight to bed.

Felix and Changbin know. They saw a glimpse. Everyone else saw the aftermath. My bloodied nose and bloodshot eyes. The shame I carried to bed, too.

There's no room to be angry at this monster. Not with the guilt and hopelessness building up in my lungs. My heart tells me to fight back. Be better. Be stronger. But my head tells me that I'm too weak. I'm not good enough. I don't know who to listen to.

"Chan?" Jisung croaks out, knocking on the door before coming in. I make eye contact with him, forcing my eyes down so he wouldn't see through me. "Can you... tell me what happened?"

I pat the bed, sighing softly. I don't want to. The scowl he gave me. The lightest touch of his finger under my chin only to be so sadistic.

"It was at dinner. Jeongin was the first to turn. He told me that it was all my fault."

"What was?"

"I don't know. This? The monster coming after us. I don't know exactly. Felix... he turned after he touched Jeongin's shoulder. He asked how I could call myself your guys' leader."

Jisung stays silent, listening to everything I say.

"Seungmin pushed me out of my seat and Hyunjin started screaming at me. I-I tried getting away to the bathroom. You all were blocking the door. I couldn't even get up before... Felix hit me. It sent me into a shock. You guys joined in on degrading me. And you... I got up and ran to the bathroom."

"What did I say?"

"You were all saying it. It doesn't matter."

"What did I say, Chan?"

"You said I was a waste of space. It's- it's not the words. It's... how you said it. You looked me right in the eyes and practically smiled."

He covers his mouth with his hand. "I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't you. I know that."

"Then why are you treating us all like you don't? You've been avoiding us all morning. We just want to help, hyung."

They're angry at me. They should be. I've been so bad to them. How am I still in this group?

"Look at me," he grasps my chin, caressing my cheek. "We love you so much. You are our leader. You take care of us all the time and we appreciate you so much. You're the best thing that could've ever happened to us. You not only saved yourself, but you saved us too. There's a reason why we're called Stray Kids. So please, don't listen next time because whatever they say, it's not true. We couldn't live without you. You do everything right. If you make a mistake, you fix it. You are the most selfless person I've ever met. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You are truly an angel. Don't let it win. You know better than all of us how close we are. We are family. Don't let it change your mind."

A sniffle at the door startles me. Everyone is piled there, trying to listen in without interrupting. I know they heard everything. A few tears trail down my cheeks, but I nod.

"I-I'll get it next time. I'll kill it. For all of us."