𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐌

77| S E T T A N T A-S E T T E

ALESSANDRO'S POV

I sit down, head's low and empty room except for my mother's family.

Everyone is dressed in black, situated on seats across the area after we buried my mother's body. My men left, standing outside for security management and there's no sign of Enzo.

Dante and the rest of the guys went on to clear the roads from any attacks so my aunts and their husbands are safe to go.

I haven't spoken to anyone, I haven't looked at anyone, I've been focusing on my hands, I've been listening to my mind yelling, my thoughts screaming at one another and my heart aching, aching at the memory of her voice and it frightens me, it frightens me that one day I may forget her voice, I may forget her touch and kind heart.

It's hard, it's hard accepting she will never be here, she will never get to look at me with caring eyes, with a warm hug, she will never get to see my future, she will never get to watch me fight back, she will never get so many things.

And I have to live with it, I have to lose her, I have to wake up every single day with an empty space where she once roamed, she filled my sadness, she relieved my stress and pushed away my anger, she has been there, she has always been there to confront me, to hold me no matter my age, no matter the years because it didn't matter, it didn't matter how old I've grown, it didn't matter because her love was innocent, her love is pure and full of joy, her love that she managed to give under any circumstances, under any failures and pain.

A mother's love, love that can't be replaced, that can't be felt somewhere else, that can't be given from someone else, that's not just love, it's bravery, it's sacrifice, it's compassion, it's gracious, it's honest, it's sincere, it's smart, it's strong and beautiful.

The first woman I truly loved, the first woman in my life, the woman my eyes flickered and found her delightful smile, her kind gaze and soft caress. The woman I got by my side for twenty seven years, the woman I thought I would have more of, more with but the world disappointed us, disappointed the little hope we had, disappointed and asked us to learn, to move on and fight against it, to charge and wake up, wake up and realize our surroundings, our reality and hustle, win because that's what it wants, that's what she wants.

I lift my head up and let my gaze travel down the many flowers brought for her, the many treasures left for her lifeless body, her figure that I will never see enter my door with those bags of groceries, with those mang jokes about my shirtless upper body and throwing clothes on my bare chest.

My body tried to chuckle, to release any sound to erase the pain but it's stubborn, it's determined to stay a little longer, it's determined to suck up my blood and feed on my distress. And I allow it, I allow the pain to consume me because I need to feel, I need to remember her, I need to know even if I'm supposed to get up and leave, even if I should do other things and not waste time on a dead end, on my dead mother.

I shiver and grow uncomfortable in my seat. I hear footsteps behind me and close my eyes shut. The sound of my aunts sobbing kept getting closer until they hovered around me, blocking the sunlight through the long glass windows. I don't acknowledge any of them and stay quiet in my chair. I feel a hand gently rest on my shoulder telling me it's okay, she's in a better place now and looking down at us with a bright smile lighting the sky.

Another cry breaks into the room and everyone tries to help the other while they personally need help first. I watch tears hit the floor underneath me and I feel nothing. I don't feel the urge to cry nor shed one drop out of my eyes, I refuse to crumble and fall down on my knees, breaking apart and losing to their game, losing to their torture, I refuse giving them that satisfaction, I refuse to let them have it and take the last remaining parts of her away from me.