𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐌

34| T R E N T A-Q U A T T R O

ALESSANDRO'S POV
[ one of my favorites ]

I will kill him.

I laid down on my bed, listening to the clock as time passed by. I couldn't sleep, not even the thought of it crossed my mind and the worst thing is the problem that's keeping me up is one hell of a problem that I can't solve.

No matter how much I was angry, I knew he only did this because he cares. Armando was upset that I wouldn't just open my mouth and speak to her. I knew it hurt him seeing me like this, just as much as it hurt me but I can't change reality.

The arguing never helped, not between me and Armando but between me and myself. I said once I would let it go and accept what happened, and I didn't want an explanation. For the first time, I didn't want an answer nor was curious to find out what she was hiding. All I care about is my mafia and the war ahead of us. I can't sit around, worrying about a woman who her and I can't get ourselves together because of a ridiculous name.

I trusted her, yes absolutely and that's over. I don't know why Armando wants me to go back, reopen something that already ended. It doesn't make sense. Yes I'm still mad, yes I'm still upset at what she has done but I can't change the past. It will be the same no matter what so why should I care so much or even want to fix it. She never spoke to me two whole sentences, that's who she is and she'll stay like that no matter anything or anyone who crosses her path. I won't sit around, wishing she would let me in or open up. If she doesn't want me anywhere near her nor her personal life then that's what she's getting. I don't care, that's what it is. I don't give a singular care anymore, whether she's lying or staying it does not concern me.

Yet that was so hard for Armando to believe.

Eventually I had to reach this point. There's no way to solve this other than the two of us separate and work on ourselves. She won't be here forever and I won't either, so why should I hold onto us so hard and try to fix it while she's out there doing whatever's happening in her life. I have the chance to live without any more problems or someone to complicate my life and I will take advantage of that. I won't let some old curiosity she built in me make decisions and take the best out of me. I've got a lot ahead of me and even more responsibilities to think about her. She should be the last on my mind or not there at all but isn't that giving up.

Precisely it is however I can't control her, I can't sit her down and make her speak. That's her life, that's her own self and I can't ask her to give me a part of it or explain her past. You never know what happened years back, you never know what a person could possibly be going through. We never know the other person so why disturb them.

What if she's happy in her own world, she's happy doing it all. If I really care about her then I should be happy as well even if it hurts me. Whatever she's doing or whoever she chooses, I wish her to be happy and never feel unwanted. I will never know the feeling of the whole world after you. Everyone wants her dead, her name is brought up next to 'wanted dead' or 'kill her'. Our lives are so different that it shakes me, how one person can get so much abhorrence and disgust especially when that person is so beautiful and courageous. She has a heart of a soldier, a soul that's left alone with itself to protect. She wakes up everyday to make sure she's alive, to make sure she's able to breath and live another day. I know she killed a lot of people, I know she has done a lot and a lot but in the end we're all humans. Some souls running from death each day, the only difference is she has to face it every single day. She's one person left on her own to fight, to get back up because if she didn't it would be the end. It would be her end that no one will care about, the end no one will remember. She's living and taking each breath knowing people will celebrate the second this breath is cut off, the second her body hits the floor lifeless.