Darkness & Light Poems

Is It Worth It?

Is a new idea good or bad?

Writing a new story should be exciting,

You should feel happy,

Proud that you've thought about a potentially great idea.

That the people around you cheer for you,

Not for success and wealth or votes,

But cheer to encourage you to keep moving forward.

What happens when the one person you've looked up to your whole life says,

"I don't think it's a great idea."

I know why it's not a good idea,

Also I know why it is.

The doubts start to creep up,

Start to second guess the idea.

"Why isn't it a good idea?" I asked her.

"Because it will make you remember the things you wish to forget."

The things I heard,

The things I saw,

The things I smelled,

And the feelings I felt.

Is it worth it?

For a story?

Is it worth it for maybe having closure on most of my life.

The only problem I can see is that closure won't ever come.

I maybe don't hear things anymore,

I maybe don't see things anymore,

I maybe don't smell things anymore,

But I do feel them.

Everywhere I go.

Feel their eyes on me.

Have a sense of who it is.

To feel safe and secure,

Or to feel threaten and afraid.

Who do I listen to,

My mom who I love dearly,

Who tells me to leave this idea alone.

My best friend who I trust completely,

Who tells me that it might help and to go for it.

My loving mother told me to wait and talk to the doctors,

I guess she's hoping the doctor will tells me to back off.

After writing a bit of the story down,

My mind went into over drive.

It's crazy to feel them around me.

Watching.

I still can't see them anymore but I definitely feel them around me.

So I ask myself again,

Is it worth it?

(This is about my life before My Dear Angels - A Letter. I wanted to write a 'story' about how my life was back then. Again, to help me move forward and have closure. Except I'm not sure I'll ever get the closure.)