Nikanatedanniell

Chapter 12 What am I doing? What?

The last day of a cruise was always hectic. From packing belongings to checking for dangerous alien organisms, there was a long list of procedures to ensure that all passengers had a smooth and safe disembarking. Niel lay in bed and went through his mental list of last day ship's duties. He got halfway through when he remembered he didn't have any ship's duties. So what do I do? He thought. I have nothing to talk to Nikki about. At least not until we meet with the Freedom Alliance Council. I wonder if I could sleep in. Never tried it, might be fun.

So he rolled over on his side, closed his eyes and tried it. For about two stressful minutes. Finally, he arose and dressed.

"Now what?" he asked his reflection in his bathroom mirror. "Pitiful, Brecket, for the last four years you have wanted a day with nothing to do and now that you have one, you do not know what to do with it. I could find out who needs help. With Duggins gone Engineering probably does. I will ask there first."

He took his time walking to breakfast, ate slowly and by the time he was done, Debby dragged Nikki in. As he watched Debby instruct Nikki on what was good and what was not, he chckled and thought. Debby my little heart, you have become my wonderful little sister. Then his smile faded. How can I put you in danger? Before I met you, you were an idea. We were not even sure you existed. Now, you are real. So loving, so alive. I have to keep you safe. I will plan a way and I will do it.

Engineering did need help. At first he concentrated on his work and forgot about plans. Then lunchtime arrived. Debby was so excited she could hardly eat. She bounced in her chair, stood up, sat down, until Nikki ordered her to sit still and eat or go to her room.

"But Aunt Nikki," she explained. She was even too excited to speak Maeta. "I can't wait to get there. I want to meet Niel's family and see the valley and the whole planet. I can eat standing up." She shoved a fruit slice in her mouth and bounced some more.

Nikki frowned and countered in English, "would Grandma or your mother let you do this?"

Debby stood still and her smile faded. "Oh alright," she said and sat. She ate quickly in stillness. When she finished, she asked to be excused in very proper, quiet Maeta. "I want to help Srna. Sorrel finish packing the school. Then I will go pack my toys."

Niel felt heavyhearted as he watched her slowly walk out. "Nikki," he asked, "I feel helpless when she acts so sad. I know she is missing her mother and hurting, but I do not know what to say or do. What would help?"

"Time," Nikki answered. "Seriously, she needs time to grieve it out. I tried everything I could think of. She will work it out. Do not worry."

"I do worry," he said. He twisted his napkin while he spoke. "I have seen what can happen to a person who allows sadness to best him."

He stared at the nearest corner for a bit. "I do not understand the feeling of profound loss. I saw death when I served the Empire, but I have never had anyone close to me die. Even my grandparents are still alive and well. I do not fear death. I just do not understand it."

He looked back at Nikki and felt worse when he saw her concerned face. He smiled, "now I have you worried. At certain times, it is also difficult for me to wait."

"Same here," Nikki told him and squeezed his hand. "Sometimes that is all we can do." She seemed to be staring at something beyond the room. "Memories fill part of the hole, but not all."

Then she gave him a small, sad smile and stood. "I need to finish packing."

Niel left too. He went through the motions of quality checks and organism scans, accurately recorded and reported all the results, and didn't remember a thing. His mind was already on Casároni. Each time he rehearsed whom he would contact and how he would start the battle plan, he would remember a different argument of Nikki's. The stories replayed: Mahatma Gandhi, a lawyer who freed a nation, Martin Luther King Jr., a preacher who rebelled against injustice, Ralph Johnson Bunche, a diplomat who mediated a truce, and Albert Schweitzer, a doctor who brought medical knowledge and treatments to a primitive country. Scriptures from both planets sounded after the stories. He wondered after each thought, how does it apply to us? How do I make it work? He had no idea how.

One hour before docking with personal packing finished, he reviewed his activities: helped in Engineering, confirmed that Nikki and Debby were packed and ready to leave with the Leys, and checked that their papers were in order. The forged identifications for the girls had to be perfect and they were. The only thing he had not been able to do, today or any day during the last six months, was to decide how to bring peace. How could he reconcile the two plans? His thoughts discouraged him.

Nikki's ideas have merit, but the Alliance Leaders will not agree. Father perhaps, but no one else. I would need to lead. That is impossible. Who will listen? I have no experience. I do not understand what I can say or do. I cannot start something without understanding.

He decided to think about going fishing the next day with the rest of the Brecket males. Then he thought about the fun he would have with Debby at the Centennial Festival. Just as he relaxed, he thought about not returning to his job on the Banta. He did not want to think about why but he did. "Aaghhh," he roared as quietly as he could, no sense upsetting anyone else. "I will not think of anything. I will watch the ship dock. I have not done that in years."

So he loaded his bags on the server cart provided to him and went to the observation room to watch the ship dock.