Candy ✔ (In Editing)

-Chapter Seventy-Four

Last Chapter...

The sun shone brightly in the sky. It was mocking my grief in the worst way possible. How could the sun be shining on such a dark and sorrowful day?

Just today earlier on I had seen my baby boy Santiago for the last time before Justin along with some of our family accompanied him to get our son cremated. After he is to be cremated we plan on buying custom made heart silver lockets with his name on them for me, Justin and the kids and filling the shallow lockets with his ashes so we all could have a piece of him.

We had originally wanted to bury him but the thought of my son in a coffin was too hard for both Justin and I to handle. 

The grief counselor said it had something to do with the coffin being the final nail on the box for me, quite literally. Basically it would make everything all to real and both Justin and I were still in denial.

That honestly was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Especially coming from someone who didn't loose their child which they only got to see once before they went into a three month coma only to wake up on your son in his death bed. This was as real as it got.  Coffin or no coffin it wouldn't change the truth that Santiago was gone but it hurt less even if it was just a little bit to not have to bury him.

Burying Gogo was so hard and I don't think I'm ready to go through that pain again so soon. So please do excuse me for being in 'denial' like the counselor said.

I thought after Cara shared her story with me I was feeling better but after she left I fell into an even bigger hole. A part of me died with Santiago and I know it but I also willed myself to be strong. To be strong for my husband who doesn't seem to be holding it together very well, to be strong for my kids who wail everyday as if sensing their older brother's absence. I have to be strong for this family to survive.

Being strong doesn't mean I'm not hurting or I won't cry. My definition of being strong right now is to be there for my family so we can get through this and turn these tears into laughs. I know it will never be the same for either of us but we have to pull through and come out stronger.

I'm holding onto the faith that Santiago is in a better place and that he knows that we love him. I'm holding onto the faith that even though he is gone he will live forever in our hearts. Faith is all I have to go on so I'm holding onto it.

I turned to my three babies who have been wheeled into my hospital room. We were all alone just the four of us. Momma had originally wanted to stay with me but I convinced her to go and make sure Justin holds up okay instead.

"I believe in us my babies." I whispered, "I know you all can feel your brother's absence but I believe he is in a better place. You all have also gained a guardian angel in him."

"I promise I won't let any harm come onto any of you. I love you guys so much." I said as tears streamed down my face.

My babies looked at me wide eyed and cooing which made me smile. It was almost like they were trying to comfort me.

My door opened and I looked up. Justin stood by the door holding a shiny golden urn in his arms. He had a heartaches face as he walked forward with what remains of our son.

He breathed for a second before he hand the urn to me. I took it in my hands brushing the engravings of his name. Santiago Hudson.

I scooted to the side to make space for Justin on the bed. I patted the spot next to me, gesturing for him to lay next to me.

He took of his shoes and obliged with my request. He took his arms and wanted to wrap them around me in comfort but I didn't allow him to. Instead I sat up and let him lay down on lap as I cradled his head and put Santiago's urn by the table on my bedside.

I played with his hair soothingly while humming a song. I could feel a wet patch forming where Justin's head was along with the shaking of his body. My heart clenched as I continued to hum in the silence. Even Lennox, Dandelion and Skylar were quiet as they fell asleep.

I didn't know if we were truly ever going to be okay with our loss but one thing was certain. The people that I loved more than anything in the world were in this room and I would do absolutely anything for them.

It didn't matter what we went through but as long as I had everyone in this room I would be fine. Maybe not today or tomorrow but someday I will be.

No one prepared us for grief and therefore no one taught us how to deal with it but I might have a small clue about how to deal with it. And I think family might be it for us. Us being together is what will bring us healing, no matter what.

"We will miss Santiago everyday but we will miss him together. We have each other and I believe that is all that we need." I said and Justin looked up at me and nodded.

Justin and I have come to far from where we first begin. We have went through many trials and tribulation, happy and blissful moments, we have cried in both pain and joy, we have loved and lost but now we are going to have to pick the pieces over and restart. Because our story is nowhere near the ending. It has only began.

He kissed my lips and embraced me as we too fell asleep beside our babies. Exactly where we belong.

*****

THE END.

I'd like to thank each and every one of you Candy readers for embarking on this journey with me. It has been a roughly blissful one from updates at midnight to the two week long writer's blocks and disappearing chapters.😂

I started this book a year ago completely unaware of the love it would receive. And the love is highly appreciated.

I will start with the editing process as soon as possible and in the meantime I will also be writing another novel called 'Diary Of Imbokodo' so please do follow me for more updates about the book.

XOXO
Khanya/Dark_mousse signing out!❤