𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐌

44| Q U A R A N T A-Q U A T T R O

My heart kept beating louder and louder into my ears, yet it felt so warm and calm. She makes me feel impossible things all at once.

I watched her think deeply about something. I noticed that whenever she's thinking hard, she likes to rest her hands on her thighs, sometimes she rubs her finger on her own skin and sometimes she's too focused, she sits so still as if she's trying to blend in with the walls. "Forget the game, I want to tell you a story"

The whole drive was Akila expressing how deeply she hates night clubs. She told me a story after another, her murdering men and women at a bar or the night clubs she seriously hated. She says they're useless and a waste of time. And I of course didn't say anything, I have dozens of clubs and casinos out there and she knows but that didn't matter to her because whatever I'm doing doesn't change her opinion. And that, I love and appreciate so much.

It was so hard not to look at her every time she spoke a word, a letter. I wanted to capture it all with my eyes, to go back in time and observe her over and over again. I want to have this picture of her, every memory of her trapped in my mind, closed on tightly where they can't escape. It's the first time I heard her talk so freely, her voice filled with so much light-confidence and just seeing her like this made me wish this moment to last forever. I want her to talk, speak about whatever please her and I sit beside her and listen. Listen until my ears go deaf, listen until I can't help but wrap my arms around her, allowing her to take every warmth left in my body.

Car rides always felt fast, this one felt just right. I would do the smallest and biggest thing to repeat this again, anything to hear her voice so happy, so joyful.

Akila never misses a beat, never hesitates or her voice breaks. She let out her words knowing they're heard clearly with no need to repeat. She doesn't need to grab anyone's attention, it's already given all to her.

Even those who never met her, they're always pulled by her. All of her. Her beauty, her confidence, her walk, everything.

And I just can't get how I got so lucky to be with her right now. It is obvious Akila barely had any human contact. Whenever she does, she's set there to kill them. She never communicates nor expresses her thoughts with anyone but her own self. It's a great thing being self independent and I support her life decisions no matter what because if she didn't do all of this, she wouldn't be the Akila I know today. Even though I'm sure a hundred percent I would've loved every version of her, I'm glad she's happy that way. I thank god she's strong enough, she's beyond just strong, she's so many things I can't put in enough words.

I felt her now warm hand break away from my hand and for a second there, I felt my heart actually hurting. I looked at her immediately and watched her grab something from the backseats. Her side profile is so perfect I can't help but stare. Her cheekbone landed sharply on her face, a jawline that looks like a bullet can't cut through. Her long dark lashes curled adorably on her eyelids as the side of her eyes looked pure gold.

I let out a loud breath which she turned to. Her face now is one, two, three inches away from me. I tried to keep counting, to keep my mind focused but I can't. I can't.

When she's this close, everything breaks. Everything is nothing, a world so blurred that her face is so plain. Every line, soft moles that are barely noticeable are standing out her beautifully settled features.

"We should get inside, i'm sure everyone misses you" she's the one to speak first and again break our connection. Sometimes I wonder what will happen if she never does, because I know too damn well I would never pull away from her, her so incredibly addicting stare.