hopefully helpful marvel oneshots

*Bucky x y/n

WARNINGS: panic attacks, self harm, blood, blades, talks on depression and bad thoughts, talk bout scars 

REQUEST: y/n suffers from panic attacks, depression and self harms. Bucky is their boyfriend and helps them 

PROUNOUNS: they them

***

With the current mission all you you guys were undercover. 
To make sure the cover was believable you, Bucky, Nat, Tony, Clint, Bruce, Wanda, Steve, Thor and Sam where squeezed into a tiny 3 bedroom family house. 
This meant you, Bucky and Steve had to share a room, with you and Bucky sharing the same bed. 

Bucky being your boyfriend, Tony saw no problem with that, except for the fact you and Bucky had never shared a bed or even a room together. 
This was for a few reasons, one Bucky's nightmares made him permanently scared he would hurt you in a panic; two, you were too scared he would see any of your scars or cuts while you were sleeping when your sleeve rolls down. 

It was the first night and you were more worried about Bucky than yourself.
While Steve was showering before bed you and Bucky were talking. 

Bucky picked up his pillow and went to sleep on the floor 
y/n:" What are you doing?" 
B:" Sleeping down here"
y/n:" No your not Buck, come on"
You patted the space next to you 
y/n:" It's just 3 nights and if anything happens - which it wont - Steve is literally there"
You pointed to Steve's bed just across the tiny room. 
B:" There's not enough space, it's only a single bed and there's two of -" 
y/n:" Bucky..." 
You waited for him to stop his mumbily rant about how he was big and would take up most of the bed. 

y/n:" Come and lay on the bed"
You stood up out of the bed and waited for him to lay in it, once he'd layed down you got in next to him, snuggled up close and half on top of him 
y/n:" See we fit"
You ran your hand up to his cheek, rubbing his stubbly face to sooth him, which worked better than you intended because when Steve came into your room he gestured up to Bucky and whispered 
S:" How did you get him off to sleep that quick" 
To which you looked up at your sleeping boyfriend and smiled before looking back at Steve and gently shrugging your shoulders. 

You guys all slept through the night without any issue. 
In the morning Bucky and Steve were awake at the ass crack of dawn while you were still asleep. 
At first Bucky didn't want to move away from you but after deciding he wasn't going to wake you till the last minute he would have to get ready for the day. 
He and Steve packed your bags just talking quietly 
S:" How did you sleep?" 
Steve watched as a smile made it's way to his best friends lips as he glanced at you before looking back at Steve. 
B:" I was the best nights sleep I've had in years"
Both Steve and Bucky smiled knowing how much he cared for you and how much you'd helped him without knowing. 

Steve sat back down on his bed and looked up at the clock, 7.45. 
You weren't having breakfast until 10 so both him and Bucky sat back down on the bed. 
Bucky very carefully picked you up and slid in next to you, pulling you into his chest. 

As you both settled back you shuffled in your sleep so you arms was over his heart near your head and your legs were in-between his. 
Steve looked over at you both from his place on his bed where he was reading and smiled. His smile quickly dropped and he swallowed thickly 
S:" Buck" 
His voice was just above a whisper and very clearly showed his concern.
Bucky's head whipped over to look at Steve 
B:" Yes"
Steve gestured down to your wrist, Bucky looked at him confused at he looked between where Steve was pointing and Steve himself. 
B:" What?" 

S:" Look at their arm" 
Bucky took a quick look, not seeing anything he adjusted you in his arms so you were more on one of his legs. 
He grabbed your arm and pulled down your sleeve, he just stared at your arm, not really knowing what to do. 

He looked over at Steve for what to do, Steve took one look at everything and got up. He went to the bathroom coming back a few seconds later with the first aid kit and handing it to Bucky before grabbing his phone and book then leaving you two alone. 

Bucky just sat there for a while staring ahead of him before deciding he was going to wake you up before he did anything. 
He pulled your sleeve back down and sat up with you, this action alone woke you up 
B:" Hey Doll" 
y/n:" Mornin', you sleep good?" 
You yawn and mumble into his chest 
B:" I slept amazing" 
You look up and smile at him but he's looking at the wall ahead of you guys, you look there but noticed nothing that would have caught his attention
y/n:" You alright Buck?" 

B:" I'm good"
y/n:" You sure?" 
He nodded slightly, looking down to you, he swallowed hard and took a deep breathe 
B:" I umm, I - Me and Steve. I saw you arm Doll" 
You pushed yourself away from him and looked at him in shock, your breathing picked up and you put your hands in your hair, tugging on it. 

Bucky gently reached forward to you, pulling your hands away from your hair and into his own
B:" It's okay Doll, I need you to take some deep breathes for me. Breathe in 1...2...3 and out 1...2...3, well done, and again -" 
He continued with this until you were calm enough to control your own breathing. 

He pulled you into a hug, you were side onto him so your legs dangled over his and you listened to the sound of his heart beat. 
B:" Why do you do it Doll?" 
y/n:" It's the only pain I can control" 
You stared straight ahead as he had previously done, he rubbed his hand through your hair to comfort you 
y/n:" Are you mad at me?" 
Your voice was quiet and timid, scared for the answer you would get 
B:" I'm not mad. I want you to listen to me Doll, I will never be mad at you for something like this. Never be mad or angry."

You stayed in his arms for a while longer 
B:" Can I bandage them up for todays mission so they don't get mucky?" 
You softly nodded as he pulled away and reached for the first aid kit, as he was cleaning them and wrapping them up he looked up at you. 
He leaned forward and placed a soft peck to your lips 
B:" You're so strong Doll."

A/N: Heyyy, how's everyone doing? 

I'm sorry I havn't been updating as much as I would have liked, I thought I was going to have so much free time but I've been sailing and helping out with my friend at the club house and I've barely been home. 

This is quite a long one for once, I hope you enjoyed it xxx