Since We Were 14 ~ Lams

28.

"John, are you sure you're alright?" Alex asked, still worried for his friends emotional state.

John nodded. "It's okay, don't worry. I'm... I'm ready." He said, taking his keys and unlocking the door to what was his and Francis's apartment.

The funeral was just the day before. It was nice. Lots of stories were shared about Francis and the life he lived. John wrote the eulogy, which was expected. It was heartbreaking to here, especially when John started crying. Martha had to go up to the stand and rub his arm just so he could finish.

There was a lot of food due to the wedding food having been preordered and prepaid. It was bittersweet eating the wedding food and John actually had to refrain from crying due to that fact alone.

Many people were there. Not just family or friends, but many of Francis's previous students came. Many of them hugged John, even though they had never met him. And many of them were crying.

It really did prove how loved the man was. He had a way of connecting to everyone.

The world truly lost a great man.

John opened the door and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

Martha gently rubbed John's arm to comfort him, knowing this was hard for him.

John opened his eyes after a moment and walked in. He seemed to tense and Martha caught on, squeezing his arm a bit tighter to let him know she was there.

John seemed to calm at the gesture. He moved away from Martha and walked around the house to his and Francis's room.

Alex walked in and shut the door, sitting on the couch in the living room. "I'm gonna stay with him tonight. You need a break." Alex said to Martha.

Martha nodded. "Yeah, that's probably best. I'm gonna go back to work tomorrow." She explained, sighing.

"Well, Lafayette is watching Philip tonight and tomorrow morning." Alex said. "So it would be best if I was here."

Martha nodded again. "Just- don't do anything stupid. Don't hit on him or anything-"

"Martha, I would never do that at a time like this. I mean, I haven't done it for months anyways." Alex explained.

"As much as I love him, I care more about him being alright than me wanting a relationship with him."

Martha nodded and got up, going to John and telling her goodbye for the night. She hugged him tightly, kissing his cheek before leaving.

John came to the living room and sat next to Alex. "Hey, how are you doing?" Alex asked softly.

John shrugged. "I really don't know anymore. I just, I miss him. And the funeral just... it really made me realize he's gone. And he's mot coming back." He said sadly.

"How's therapy going?" Alex asked. Martha and Alex had both suggested John going. Especially since John was talking about how much he wished it were him in the car instead.

"It's good. It's helping a lot." John said, laying his house on the couch cushion. "Thank you. For just- everything. You and Martha have just been so helpful through this all."

Alex shook his head. "You don't need to thank us. We really care for you and want you to be alright." He assured.

John gave a small smile, not really giving a bigger one. They smiled at each other for a moment, it falling silent.

Alex got up eventually and got two beers from the fridge. He went back to the couch, hopping over it and sitting back in his spot beside John.

Alex handed John a beer, which was easily accepted by the other male. He opened it and took a sip.

"You know... about a year and six months ago, we were doing this same thing at your apartment." Alex laughed softly as he took a swig of his beverage.

"Mourning?" John said with a small laugh, knowing that's not what Alex meant.

Alex rolled his eyes playfully. "No, John. I mean, we were sitting on your couch and just talking. I had come over to cool off cause Eliza had done something that really upset me." He said. "And I remember you telling me that things may just get better and I didn't believe you. I said I doubt it. And even though this last year and a half has been... interesting, it still had plenty of good."

Alex took another sip. "Anyways, that was just me telling you that, as you've said before, it will get better. You had a big loss. And life just... it doesn't leave you alone like that." He explained.

John nodded softly. "I hope so. I'm not sure how it will get better but I hope it does."

"I want to tell you a story. It's not- don't think of it as anything. It's just like something I really want to share with you." John explained, turning and crossing his legs the direction of Alexander, who just nodded along.

"So, the beginning of freshman year, we both happened to get assigned to sit next to each other in our history class. We didn't know each other at this point but I thought you were really cute. Like I had to take a second to calm down the first time I saw you." John explained.

"Well you had made a snarky comment about how I wasn't supposed to be wearing my baseball cap inside the school building so I just rolled my eyes and put it on you instead. And then I went to get it back after class but you said you'd keep it." John explained, taking a drink of that beer.

"And that- just, I know we didn't even know each other at that point but I just, I knew you were going to be a big part of my life. And at that moment, I was in love with you." John said, shrugging a bit.

"All the way back then? You held your tongue for almost twenty years..." Alex shook his head.

John nodded. "I have. I've held my tongue for so long."

"I've held it since we were fourteen."

"And I mean, I still... I know that in a way I still do have feelings for you and you've made it obvious that you have feelings for me." John held his breath for a moment. "And maybe, in the future after I just... after I come to terms with Francis, we can be together."

"But as for right now, can we just be friends again? Can we, at least for a little while, pretend we haven't slept together?"

Alex nodded softly.

"I think that would be for the best."

The end