Since We Were 14 ~ Lams

22.

"Do you still love him?" Francis asked as they sat at the dinner table together.

John shook his head. "Not like I did before. Not like the way I love you." He admitted.

"That night... that night on the Ferris wheel was when it all clicked and Alexander was so distant in my mind. All I could think about was you and the warm feeling I get whenever you're around."

"I just... Alex and I had sex one time- and I know that doesn't make it okay. It shouldn't have happened at all. But I felt instant regret- I mean, I slipped on some clothes and literally ran out of my apartment the second I realized what I had done."

Francis nodded softly. "I'm not... I'm not mad at you. I just thought you wouldn't go that far and it hurts."

John frowned softly but nodded, understanding Francis's pain.

"I don't want to end things. But this is hard. And I'm just- what if one day, you're tired of pretending to be in love with me and you decide to go be with him?" Francis said, starting to cry a bit.

"Baby-" John reached across the table to hold both of his fiancées hands. "That will never happen. I love you- I'm so in love with you." He said. "I'm done with Alex, he's not the one I love anymore. I want to be with you. I want to marry you." He promised, squeezing his hands.

"But what if you don't anymore? What if one day you decide that it isn't what you want?" Francis said.

"I won't. You're the love of my life. Nothings going to stop that, alright?" John promised.

Francis hesitated to nod. "The thought of you and Alexander just hurts me." He explained. "I mean, I trusted you."

"I know. And I broke that trust." John said. "But... we can get through this. I don't ever want to hurt you again." He promised, really meaning it. He was so hurt by what he had done and seeing Francis so upset made John want to cry.

"We need to... we need to just work on us for a while. I don't want to leave you, John. I really don't. But I just can't look at you without wanting to cry." Francis's voice cracked a bit.

That sound completely shattered John's heart. He moved and wrapped his arms around Francis, who leaned into the touch so he assumed it was alright.

John held him close, his heart breaking more and more with his boyfriends cries, beginning to cry himself.

"I'm so sorry." John cried, holding onto him. "I love you so much." He sobbed.

That was how their night went. They both cried, hard. A lot of feelings were shared and over all, it was healthy for their relationship. But the trust was still gone. And Francis couldn't bring himself to completely forgive John yet.

He loved him more than anything but he was just too heartbroken to forgive him right then.

-

Alex panicked when he got that call at two a.m. saying that Eliza was going into labor. She was a couple of weeks early but was still considered full term.

He held Eliza's hand tightly as she pushed. She had been in labor for twenty hours already when she began pushing.

In all honestly, the night was terrible. Eliza wouldn't stop bickering with Alex and crying. He understood she was in pain but she was saying some terrible things to hurt Alexander. And it was hurting.

The second Alexander heard the cry of his son, Alex's life felt complete. He cut the cord and went to hold Philip. He started crying.

He looked down at the beautiful boy he was holding in his arms and he gasped softly, holding back a sob of happiness.

His life completely changed in that moment. He looked down at this boy with the most gorgeous hazel eyes and dark, curly hair and he was instantly in love. Even if the boy clearly wasn't his, Alex couldn't help the boy in his heart when he held him.

Martha smiled to Alex. "You seem happy. That's good." She said, cleaning up a bit. She had helped deliver the child.

"I am. Just- he's only been here for an hour and I've never been so happy." Alex said. "How're you? I feel like it has been so long since we talked."

"I'm well. Just been working more and living my best life." Martha laughed softly. "And what about John?" Alex asked.

"Hm?" Martha titled her head.

"How's John doing? He hasn't been talking to me as much since Francis was told what happened." Alex explained, assuming she knew since John told her everything.

"Well, he's okay. He's just really trying to work on him and Francis right now. They're going through a big rough patch." Martha explained.

"Do you think they're gonna last?" Alex asked.

Martha raised an eyebrow. "I hope like hell they do- this may seem a little rude but man, Alex, John was so fucked up over you and Francis makes him happy. They need to stay together and you need to back off. John tells me about the shit you do and that ain't cool. He's happy and in love and you telling him shit like 'it's okay' and that you guys have already done it so it doesn't matter is so fucked up."

Alexander went quiet, not expecting the hardness in Martha's voice. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say that to me. Say it to John. You are confusing him and making things hard when he's finally happy." Martha said.

"Okay, now, that's my rant. I don't wanna ruin your day." Martha got up. "Enjoy your kid." She mumbled.

Alex watched as she left.