Evil Awakened (Dare to love #2) (OUAT fanfic)

Chapter 15 (Snow)

Sorry for not having Snows pov in a while it just didn't really fit in with the story because Arthur's death wouldn't have been as good from Snows PoV.
I look in the mirror at my reflection. What have I become? Am I a monster? Should I have stopped Killians execution?

Yes, I should have.

And now we're about to ruin another child's life as well. Yes, I know it's for his safety but I remember what it was like for Regina, I don't want that for my children. Yet that's what I've brought upon them, and my grandchild. I think before all of this, before Emma turned evil, when Killian was locked up, if I knew Emma was pregnant then we probably would have forced her to get rid of it. The baby would age outlaw blood, the blood of our enemy flowing through their veins and it wouldn't be pure blood royal which wouldn't look good for the kingdom. Also it would have declined Emma's chance at marriage. Now, I'm not proud of that because now I know that would be wrong. To have this knowledge yet to go back to that time I would have stopped the execution and let Emma keep the baby. Let Killian into the family even.

But that's not the choice we made. We chose to see the bad and not the good. If only we'd had sense back then, maybe we wouldn't be here now, deciding to kill Arthur tomorrow. Yet maybe we would. I don't know. But one things for sure, David and I have done a lot of wrong that we can't afford to do again.

We've lost Emma, we lost James and now we're about to lose William. We can't lose Neal to. Though he's already seen the evil we are, I can only hope he sees past that but I won't be angry if he doesn't. I'm not even sure I'd see past all the wrong we've done.

Oh god we're so stupid.

My thoughts are interrupted by the door opening and closing. Looking up I see my husband, tears in his eyes looking incredibly pale.

"David?" I ask with concern, walking over to him and speaking gently. "David what's wrong?" Looking briefly in my direction he shrugs his shoulders, walking straight out to our balcony. I don't follow him, for a few seconds I leave him some space so he can get some air for whatever is bothering him so then he can tell me calmly. Looking at him outside, he's staring out to the horizon and I can hear him sobbing. At this I quickly run to his side.

"What did you do?" I half whisper at the tears in his eyes. I know it's something he's done because of the look in his eyes. Whenever he does something he feels incredibly guilty about he gets that look in his eyes which he currently displays. He shakes his head, obviously not wanting to tell me so I pull him into a hug. "Oh David, What did you do?" I wonder what could have possibly happened but then it hits me. It slaps me real hard in the face.

He went down there to tell Arthur of his death sentence, he also went to stop William from running away with him. No. No. No! I should never have agreed to this. If I disagreed to his death then David wouldn't have gone down there. Oh god oh god oh god. Once again now our child's love is dead my wrong actions hit me.

"No," I whisper frowning. "No, you didn't," I shake my head, allowing my tears to fall free. "No, no, no we- no- what about a proper execution? What about being able to change our minds up to the point of the death? David, whenever there's a planned death Blue is supposed to be there to stop it of we change our minds, you know that. I agreed to death tomorrow not now. I wanted to speak to William, tell him the truth, we do accept him we're just protecting him. He's not going to believe us now- Oh David what have we done? What have you done?" I question, all my thoughts come out at once, rolling off my tongue easily like a waterfall.

What have we done? We've just made a huge mistake. I've just made a huge mistake. I should have never agreed to this, I should have never let my husband go down there. Oh god. I'm such an idiot.

"I wasn't thinking, it was a rash, hasty, stupid decision and I wasn't thinking clearly," My husband says, his eyes begging forgiveness.

"And that makes it okay?" I question, shaking my head. What happened to us? When did we stop being hero's? "David that's another life gone who we can't get back. That's another person we've destroyed. That boy had a family, he was only young, same age as Will, who by the way is never going to forgive us. We have been the cause of so much pain and suffering, even our own daughters. By hurting one person we've hurt many. By killing Hook we hurt Emma, his crew and his own child even if he or she isn't aware yet. One day they will be. We've spent years trying to protect our throne, when we should have been protecting the kingdom, our children, our hearts," a stray tear navigates it's way down my face as I think of our children. That's now the third one we've lost, and if we are not careful we will lose Neal. We are walking on a rope with him, one wrong move and we fall. He's already cross at us for lying about his brother, about planning to kill Arthur and even though he hasn't admitted it about Emma. He's cross at us for being the one to push her over the edge, for letting her go, for being weak. One wrong move with him and we'll lose him.

I will not lose another child.
I will earn William and Emma's trust back.
I will make it up to them.
And my baby James, I am so sorry, I am sorry I let you go. I tried to find you, I did, but I couldn't put as in mush effort as I would have liked to because I was recovering and because I had to look after you're sister. Who in the end, we also ended up betraying. I know there's nothing I can do now, we never found you which means only one thing, you're dead. I only hope you are at peace. I love you James, like I love your sister and brothers. I love you. I love all of you, James, Emma, Neal and William.

"Snow, I am so sorry I didn't mean to," David says, pulling me out of thought. His eyes are also stung with tears, making his pale face slightly red from where is tears fall.

"That doesn't change anything David, you still did what you did," I say, trying not to burst into tears. My son, I am so sorry. I can never make it up to you but I promise I'll try. As with you Emma, even if you do want revenge. I'll let you kill me or whatever you want to do, so you can be at peace, so I can pay for my sins. I just want you to be happy.

"It was an accident," his argues, "I didn't mean- I didn't want to say that. It's like something posed me to do it. Like none of my decisions are my own, like there being made for me," he says but that just makes me sigh and roll my eyes. He's still making excuses, he doesn't want to take blame but now through everything that's happened we must accept blame, we must pay for our sins. We must.

"No ones making decisions for you David. You just can't accept the fact you are the cause of your children's pain, not anybody else, just you and me. There's no one you can blame this on, no crime you can hide behind. That boy's death was pure murder. Even if you didn't actually kill him, you issued the order. You're the one who committed the crime so stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept that we're the reason our children are unhappy," I tell him, great pain and anger in my voice. With each word my voice raises to the point people outside our room can probably hear but I don't care.

There not the murders here, we are.