MISSION 1: Saving You

Chapter 25 - Too Sudden, Too Soon

“Pero mubalik pa lagi ka din hi, Dok?” ani Ruth.

Tumango si Jillian bilang sagot sa tanong nito kung babalik pa siya.

“O. Basta mahuman nako ang tanang buhaton didto unya e-submit sa DOH mubalik jud ko dajon din hi. Pagkakaron kamo say bahala sa atong mga pasyente. Si Tatay Waldo ug Ayra kamo say bisita inag ka Biyernes. Tawagi ko dajon ug naa man gani problema.” Kinumpirma niyang pagkasubmit ng hinihingi ng DOH ay babalik siya kaagad. Ibinilin na rin niyang ang mga ito muna ang bahala sa mga pasyente, maging ang pagbisita kina Tatay Waldo at Ayra at tawagan siya kung sakaling may problema.

“Opo, Dok,” ani Madel.

*************

“Jillian…” Jason’s pleading voice stopped Jillian from her tract. Umaakyat na siya sa hagdan nang tawagin nito. Huminto lang siya pero hindi ito nilingon. “I can’t take it anymore. I would gladly take a bullet that be neglected by you. I can’t stand the silent treatment, baby.”

Lumunok si Jillian pero hindi nagsalita. She can’t trust her voice. Hearing the agony in his voice almost broke her resolve. She had been keeping her distance for him until now. Kanina nga ay tinanong na naman siya ni Madel kung hindi pa rin daw ba sila okay ni Jason. Ikatlong araw na raw ng LQ nila at sana naman ay wag umabot ng isang linggo. Tipid lang siyang ngumiti at hindi sinagot ang dalaga.

“I’m sorry if my worries get the best of me. Masyado lang akong natakot na umalis ka na hindi ako ang kasama mo. I don’t want you out of my sight...” Jason did not mask the anguish in his voice. “I’m sorry if I can’t disclose everything to you, baby.”

Ilang beses humugot nang malalim na hininga si Jillian bago nagsalita, “You don’t have to tell me everything, Jason. I respect that. It comes with your work. Sundalo rin ang ama ko kaya alam ko iyon. Pero wag mo sanang ipagkamali na dahil lang doon kaya ako nagkakaganito ngayon.”

“Jill, baby, I didn’t mean to overstepped my boundaries,” Jason’s voice imploring. “Hindi ko sinasadyang masakatan at mahirapan ka sa sobrang paghihigpit ko. I was just looking out for your safety.”

“I appreciate you looking out for my safety, Jason, but what I don’t like is you making decisions for me as if I can’t make them. I have a mind of my own.” Muling humugot ng hininga si Jillian. Nag-alis muna siya ng bara sa lalamunan bago pumihit parahap sa lalaki.

Jillian tried her best to keep her composure, to not let her real emotions show on her face, “I know it’s only natural for you to be overprotective. Nature mo ‘yan. At trained ka pa na iyon mismo ang gawin, ang protektahan ang tingin mo’y mahina at nangangailangan. But I am no damsel in distress, Jason. Kung naghahanap ka ng babaeng laging nangangailangan ng tulong at paggabay mo, hindi ako iyon.”

“I’m sorry if I messed up, Jill. It’s all new to me and I don’t...” Jason literally looked lost and confused.

And it only adds salt to Jillian’s wounded heart.

Mariing ipinikit ni Jillian ang mga mata para piligin ang pagpatak ng luha. God, she hates crying! Baka lalong isipin ni Jason na mahina siya. She bit her lip and took several deep breaths to calm herself. Nang palagay niya ang kontrolado na niya ang emosyon ay saka siya ulit tumingin sa lalaki.

“The fact that you are lost and confused on what really caused my indifference to you broke my heart. It only confirmed by fear, Jason.”

Mapait na ngumiti si Jillian. Humigpit ang kapit niya sa barandilya ng hagdan, umaamot ng kaunting lakas doon. “We might have met a few years back. We might feel as if we knew each other for eternity, but the reality is we do not. We barely know each other, Jason...” Jillian’s voice weakened, and she added in a voice just above whisper, “And it got me thinking...”

May nakiraang pangamba sa mga mata ni Jason pero nanatili lang itong nakatitig sa kanya.

Jillian smiled sadly, “Don’t get me wrong, Jason. What happened between us was beautiful. I don’t regret it. I will never regret it. And I actually hate to accept the thought that what happened between us, albeit wonderful, was...” her voice shook. Jillian bit her lip and looked up, wishing the tears to go back in her tear ducks, “It was wonderful, beautiful, magical. But it was all too sudden, all too soon... You know, like how fireworks are. You lit it up, it goes up, it will explode, it will light up the night sky for a while. And then it’s gone. Darkness will once again ensue.”

Pinunasan niya ang luhang biglang pumatak sa kanyang pisngi. “I just can’t help but think that maybe we are meant to rock each other’s world but only for a short period of time. That we really are not compatible and we really are not meant to…”

Inilang hakbang ni Jason ang pagitan nila. Natagpuan ni Jillian ang sarili na nakapaloob na sa bisig ng binata, “No, Jillian. What happened between us was meant to be. You and I are meant to be, baby girl.” Jason’s eyes are pleading. 

Umiling siya. “Are we really, Jason? Are we really meant to be when we can’t even see eye to eye? I am looking up to you and you were looking down on me,” Jillian whispered in a broken voice. Her eyes filled with tears. She tried to move away from him but Jason’s firm embrace did not buckle.

“No, baby. I am looking up to you. I love you so much that I put you on top of a pedestal, Jill.” Jason rained kisses on her face, her eyelids and the tip of her nose.

“A pedestal? I don’t feel like it, Jason. What happen over the weekend was the exact opposite. You want to dictate me, on what I should and shouldn’t do. You didn’t even ask me why I did what I did. You just straight up invalidated my decision. A decision I made after careful consideration of my current situation,” Jillian answered bitterly, a tear once again escaped in the corner of her eye.

“I know what I am up against. I know what’s at stake. Pero hindi lang ikaw ang may sinumpaang tungkulin, Jason. Meron din ako. Magkaiba man ang misyon natin, nagkakaparehas tayo na sumumpa na gagawin iyon hanggang sa huling hininga natin. Delikado man o hindi ang sitwasyon.”

Pakiwari ni Jillian ay nawalan ng lakas ang mga tuhod niya. She forgoes her control and let her tears flow freely. Ang gusto na lang niyang gawin ay humiga sa kama at umiyak nang umiyak at pakawalan ang pait at sakit na akala niya’y nasaid na kaninang umaga. Nanlalabo na ang paningin ni Jillian. Nahihirapan na rin siyang huminga, pero kailangan niyang ilabas ang lahat ng sakit at pait kung talagang gusto niya iyong mawala.

“I thought we already established that. I thought we both made ourselves clear. I followed you, didn’t I? I have a security escort with me. But why can’t you trust me? Do you really think I did what I did out of simple whims and caprices? Because I am used to getting what I want? Just because I am a true-blue military brat?”

“I’m sorry, Jill. Hindi ko akalain na iyon ang magiging dating sa iyo ng sinabi at ginawa ko,” ani Jason sa boses na puno nang pag-sisisi.

“Even my own father understands my individuality, my passion for my duty. He doesn’t treat me like a child, even if technically, I really am his child. My own father treats me as his equal. Nagtatalo kami. Nagdidiskusyon. Nagcocompromise. Pero sa huli ay sinusuportahan niya ako. Iginagalang at inirerespeto niya ang desisyon ko. Hindi niya ako dinidiktahan. Hindi niya ini-invalidate ang ginagawa ko.”

Jillian breathes through her mouth. Her tears completely blinding her.

“Love alone cannot keep us together, Jason. I may have love you with all my heart but I can never tolerate you treating me as if I don’t have my own mind, as if I can’t make a sound judgement...” Sumigok si Jillian. “Can you tell me honestly, Jason, where do we go from here? How can we go on when we clearly don’t have mutual respect and trust for each other?” Jillian whispered brokenly.

The last thread of strength in Jillian’s deserted her. Her knees buckled due to the intensity of her misery. Jason must have felt her body gave way because he carried her and brought her to her room.

Jason sat at the corner of her bed while she stayed on his lap, crying unabashedly. He softly rubbed her back, “I’m so sorry, Jillian. You’re right. I should have trusted your judgment. I should have respected your decision. Let me make up to you, please. I promise it won’t happen again,” Jason embraced her tightly. His lips drying her tears away.