Evermore (Vampire Knight fanfiction.)

28 - He's Desperate.

Resha Valentine.

Looking at him in horror and wide eyed, I gulp. I didn't do anything wrong. "Seems like apologizing way too much these days."

"Aido, return to your room now," he order. But Aido doesn't flinch, he's squeezing my hand.

I can hear Aido's hard beating heart from here. "Forgive me, Kaname-sama, but please don't act harshly to Resha-sama. Please just allow me to just kill Kiryuu right now."

Kaname also doesn't flinch or move his eyes from me, as if Aido doesn't exist. "Return to your room, Aido."

"If you're going to hurt her, I will not."

After a beat or two, Kaname sigh. "How could I?" Satisfied with his answer, Aido left.

Now is just the two of us, so I'm looking at him, Kaname kneeling down. "What should I do with you, Resha?" He frustatedly ask, more to himself. "I need one reason so that I shouldn't kill him right now or I should forgive you for doing this. Especially when you are sick."

"If you hurt him, I will never forgive you, Kaname." My whisper sounds weak but also persistent. "I mean it."

Kaname glared at me. "You have no idea how mad and helpless I am right now."

"I know." I closed my eyes again, tired and sick. "I'm sorry."

The angry and frustated man in front of me frowns. "Are you?"

"...no." That's true, I don't regret saving Zero or gave him my blood. At all.

"Then why did you?" He whisper with a heavy breath. "Do you hate me? That's why you did this? You did all of this foolishness to hurt me? Is that it?"

"Of course not! I did that to save Zero, you know that too!"

"Then why did you disobey my order?! I told you one thing– one thing– to stay in your room! And.. And you came up with this foolish idea of saving Zero and gave your blood to him, which nearly killed you!" After listing all the things I did, Kaname stand up, closing his eyes. He rarely let his emotion out. "Shall I say more?"

Trying to stand up while holding on the wall for support as my legs aren't sturdy enough, I looked at him. "I apologize too much these days, seems like you wouldn't even consider this one."

"But did you regret it?" He come close to me, holding my waist. "Of course not," Kaname answer his own question.

Taking a deep breath, I'm gripping his uniform. "I regret depending on you too much so that we can't let go of each other, but I'm only protecting the pawns since you said Zero's existence was needed."

Hearing my words, he furrow his eyebrows. "How could you regret meeting me? There's never a day went by where I regret all of those things I did for you. None." Kaname finally say. "Is that how you truly feel about me? A hindrance?"

"I hoped I didn't went into hiding last few years so that you wouldn't suffer a lot with the senate. This has gotten so complicated right now— feelings would flaw things." I feel a sting on my heart. It's like someone just stick a blade into my heart. I know whom I wanted to belong with, but I can't. That's the point of all this.

Kaname suddenly lift me in his arms, so sudden and making me gasps in response. Without a single word, he carry me once again—the weak me–into the Night Dorm.

*****

Kaname gracefully lay me down on the bed in my room. Without a word, he left the room. I couldn't help but feeling guilty about this... Most of this is my fault. All of it was my fault. From the first to beginning, but the thing is I'm not sorry about it, I'm just feeling guilty about letting Kaname know what's in my mind, is that my dependence had become a hindrance he expected to be and wanted me for himself.

The collar of my night dress spilled with blood, so I stand up and change into a clean one. Laying down in the darkness in my room, I'm closing my eyes and bury myself in the blanket, let myself mourning of my guilt all alone.

*******

The sound of girls chattering is waking me up. It's the Day Class being unusually motivated and loud today. Yawning, I hug my pillow even more and frown, opening my eyes to feel another presence in my room.

I see Kaname, drinking a water filled with blood tablets, looking at me. He's sitting on the couch with some papers on the coffee table. "Good morning," he finally say after looking at me icily.

"Morning," I answered, rubbing my eyes in disbelief. "What time is it... Why are you here after..." After the big fight of us. After I told you what I felt.

"Well I can't really be far from you, so what's the point of avoiding it?" He turn his attention away to the papers, so I take the chance to look at him. Kaname is incredibly an amazing creature. Perfect eyes, lips, and nose as if someone crafted him perfectly and carefully. He's really handsome and attractive, but isn't that what vampires are? The only differences is that the Pureblood aura that makes him look more... Amazing. That's another benefit of being a vampire.

"You're looking at me," he said without turning his eyes from the paper. "Why are you looking at me?"

"You're so pretty, I'm gazing." Lets just praise him for a while. "What is the paper about?"

"Pretty?" He chuckle. "It's the Hiou family. Just want to dig further about her family bonds."

Ah, reopening a case, is he? Since Maria is back with a total suspicious way, and she's not exactly Maria, but she's Shizuka Hiou herself. "Why was she caged, Kaname? Will I be in the cage too?"

"Her family was... Uncontrollable. You won't be, as long as you act quietly, the senate won't take your freedom. And as long as there's me, you won't be caged."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Is it a sin to love a human?"

"What's this? Your interest towards human bonds is bugging me out." Kaname stood up. "Did she say anything to you?"

"Was she supposed to say something to me?"

He didn't answer and just walk towards me. By the time I called his name once again, he shut me up with his own mouth.

Kaname kissed me once, then lean his lips to my ear. "Would you like to know what your punishment is? So that you would feel what I'm feeling?"

And he bite me.

His biting was harsh, and clumsy on purpose, to make me numb and lose control of my body. I grabbed his hair, groaning. "Ugh... Kaname—"

As if me not able to move any longer is bad, he stopped only to bite my hand veins while keeping up an eye contact with me. "Why are you—"

Half conscious, I glared at him. My blood is pouring down from his lips to his chin, and he stopped.

Kaname tilt his face upwards, feeling my blood and power swerving up to him. He sighed heavily, in satisfaction. He touched the blood that was trickling down his chin and lick it, doesn't want to waste a single drop. "How is it? The feelings of hopelessness. It's driving you crazy, isn't it?"

Kaname holds my fingers and bite them lightly. "Remember this, Resha. Not being able to do anything, the feelings of hopelessness."

If anything, rather than numb and pain in my head, I feel the guilt in my heart sadden me more. I know it's selfish for me to said the truth to him, I know he will be sad even more than before. I wish I could take it back but I couldn't. "Don't be sad, Kaname."

Right before I'm losing consciousness, he whisper back to me. "How selfish..."