projecting on comfort characters? haha, couldnt be me, totally not—
anyway idk what the frick this is, ig kam? kinda? in the pov of keefe?? pretty ooc, i just did it to explore how it would be like gayfadks; i also did it in 30 minutes rn I'm sorry--
word count: 2k
warning: dang, there are a lot... uh, hinted s//cidal thoughts, mental health, d//th, fights & breakups, abandonment, just... a lot of common triggers, plus its angst so—
schist i just realized some people requested kam?? uh... if you requested kam, lets say i planned this out from the beginning, here's your awful kam--
Deep breaths, come on, just calm down, I reminded myself. But my heart was beating far too fast and my breath came out in short bursts that try as I might, I couldn't steady. I clenched the side of my bed in a desperate attempt to stop the dizziness warping my vision.
Deep breaths. Standing up, I caught my balance, my gaze searching the room quickly. Soft snores came from a bed next to mine, and I slowly started to the door. Casting a look back at Tam, who seemed to be sleeping soundly, I opened the door a crack and silently slipped out.
The treehouse was towering above the ground, twisting vines covering the bridge and small flowers blooming in the dark. Thick dark branches held up the house, shiny wood supporting the structure.
It was pitch dark, the only light coming from bright orbs that floated in the air, suspended by strings that came from far up in the thick tangle of branches and leaves and vines. Looking out the window, I could see the other tree house, where Sophie, Biana, and Linh were sleeping.
It was a year after the Neverseen was defeated. A year after the battle where my mom— no, Gisela— fell, a deafening shriek sounding in the midst of battle as a blade got to her. A year after her eyes, identical to mine, finally fluttering close. A year after she whispered with her last breaths, "You'll fulfill your Legacy one day."
The Neverseen fell apart after that. They were too scattered, too confused. They retreated into the shadows forever. We won.
But did we really? Gisela's tortured eyes still haunted my dreams, red blood and razor-sharp daggers swimming through my subconscious. Nightmares woke me up at night, bloodcurdling screams sounding through the air, each sound making a part of me shrivel up and die inside. And her words followed me everywhere, her trembling voice worming into my thoughts and clinging tight, never letting go.
They tried to help me, Sophie and Fitz and Biana. But they had their own problems, their own nightmares and fears. We were all scarred after the war, it was the price of winning. The only one who truly helped was Tam, and even he couldn't do everything, no matter how much love he poured on me and time he gave.
I was the problem, it was clear. I always had been. I'd always been dragging them down with me, a useless weight who tagged along and slowed them down.
I sighed, running my fingers over the bumpy yet smooth railing of the bridge that connected the two treehouses. Under me, the ground was dark and grassy. It was also very very far down. An accidental fall would surely—
The realization of what I was thinking finally hit me. No. No, don't think that, I begged myself, forcing back the tears that had spontaneously entered my eyes. Sinking to the ground, I clutched the wood panels making up the bridge as if I let go, it would be the end of me. Which it might be.
It's hard, so hard to keep the negative thoughts at bay. The 'what if's, the secret wishes, the haunting memories of the past. Tam tells me to just breathe but sometimes breathing isn't enough. Sometimes you want to do just the opposite.
