this is the last fic im gonna write before stellarlune comes out and we get a whole book of new content <3
i woke up four hours ago and wrote this whole thing lmaoo this is peak Early Morning Thoughts
warnings: suicide!! this is a suicide fic guys!! i dont talk abt the actual act in detail but in general this is super very heavy and you should all stay careful <3 um other than that, shitty doctors, self-destructive behaviors (not cutting, but others), drowning and dangerous ocean stuff, and. yeah. again, stay safe guys <3
word count: 3.2k
"Lord Sencen. Thank you for being here today."
Cassius sits himself on the couch, grimacing when the too-soft cushion pulls him down into the seat. His skin itches against the fabric of his green cape.
Green, green, green. A bright and beautiful color for when the world has lost something bright and beautiful.
"Ask me the questions and get on with it," he snaps at the man seated before him.
The man smooths his long hair, pulls it back in a bun and pushes up the gold rim of his spectacles. He taps his quill against the parchment in his lap, which already has words on it though the session hasn't even started.
"I'm Doctor Glowurn. Remember, this is standard procedure after occurrences of—of unique nature, I suppose I'll define it as. We will ask you and everyone else close to the subject for details of the past and present. You will have to search your memories for things you never expected to relive."
"Fine." Cassius hadn't expected anything about this, ever. In all his worst nightmares of the future, it had never been this. He half wants his memory to be picked apart and prodded at by a specialist, because maybe then he could discover what he'd been blind to all along.
But, on the other hand, his family's business was his family's alone. The fact that this Council-ordered inspection was even happening was a blight on the Sencen reputation. Worms crawled on his skin thinking about what people would say. As if it hadn't been enough already.
"First," Doctor Glowurn murmurs, ruffling a few papers. "Tell me some self-destructive tendencies your son has had from a young age."
Cassius snorts. "You may not realize this, Doctor, but Keefe has always been self-destructive. From the moment he was born."
~~~
Yes, Keefe Sencen has always been self-destructive. He opened his eyes and decided he didn't want to make his life easy. Maybe he wanted more fun than that, maybe he thought struggle built character, or maybe he didn't think he deserved an easy life.
Running around with kitchen knives, dropping plates too close-up, light-leaping even as he's laughing and distracted by a silly joke. He always skipped school, and when his finals came, he didn't sleep for three days because he was rereading all the work he'd missed. He pulled pranks that landed him in the infirmary for two days, made enemies that lasted him all of Foxfire.
He got sick but he didn't take any of the medications offered to him, he just laughed at the misfortune and asked what caused a virus. He scraped his knee and he watched the blood drip like it was gold. He made dares that broke his bones and broke his heart and when the cracks spread, he smiled with bloody lips.
He didn't keep his mouth shut until a red mark was already blooming on his cheek. He didn't stop moving until he'd fallen over, hacking air and blood and spit. He didn't work until his future was already falling off the cliff and Cassius was screaming at him to pull it back over the edge.
