Truth and Lies

Chapter 43

** Emily's POV **

The rest of the team arrived in the  morning, and I was still in the same position, only this time awake with fear. Hotch came first, putting his arm around me whilst Garcia carefully unpicked Ciara from my arms which were tangled in her blanket.

"Hotch, she was so happy, and then it just changed." I sobbed into his crisp white shirt.

"Emily, shhh...." He said soothingly, stroking my hair. 

It felt weird because that was what JJ always did, but I didn't move. I just wanted her to be okay. The hospital was extremely busy but it felt like days before someone actually came to talk to us.

"Jennifer Jareau?"

"Yes, I'm her fiance. What's wrong with her?" I asked quickly.

"We found high levels of benzodiazepines in her system, toxic levels. Do you know if she was depressed in any way?"

"No, I don't think so. She was always happy with me." 

"Okay, we had to check. She's asleep at the moment, but you can visit when she wakes up. Don't expect too much, she'll be a bit groggy for a while, I'm afraid."

I nodded and sank back into the chair, hugging my knees and closing my eyes with exhaustion. Reid was sitting beside me and I felt my head fall onto his shoulder as I went back to sleep.

** JJ's POV **

I woke up breathing rapidly and my eyes were watery. I looked around the room for Emily but there wasn't anyone around. The room was extremely quiet and when I blinked again, I could tell that it wasn't my bedroom.

"Emily?" I whispered, my voice dry.

Suddenly, the door opened and two women walked in. Neither of whom was Emily.

"Where's Emily?" I tried to ask. 

It came out as mumble but the women smiled anyway.

"Good morning, Jennifer. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Bad." I said.

"My name is Doctor Emma Foreman, I'm a therapist here and I was hoping we could talk."

"About what?"

"Well, we could start from the beginning. Like how you got all of those scars?" She said, pointing to the cuts on my arms and over my chest.

"That's nothing." I crossed my arms defensively, nearly pulling out an IV that was stuck in my arm.

"Hey, calm down, it's okay. I just want to talk, remember? What do you want talk about?"

"I want Emily. My fiance." I said defiantly, refusing to talk to her.

After checking my chart, the two women left and I sank back against the sheets, wishing Emily was here. And just like that, my wish was granted.

"EMILY!" I shrieked as she came in.

"Oh my god, Jayje, I was so worried." She ran in and enveloped my thin figure in her arms.

"Emily, I'm so sorry." I broke down crying in her arms.

"Jayje, I'm just glad you're alright." She said with a huge smile of relief.

"I have to tell you something." I blurted out.

She sat up by the side of the bed and held my hand tightly.

"Anything, Jayje, anything."

I took a deep breath and squeezed her hand back. 

"I tried to kill myself, Em, and I don't really know why I did it. Please don't be mad."

I could tell that wasn't what she expected, but if she was shocked, she covered herself well.

"Jayje, you've been through so much. It's alright to break down sometimes, to say you can't do it."

I nodded and let her wipe away my tears which were flowing like a waterfall.

"God, Jayje, what did you think, honestly? I'm always going to be here for you, sweetheart, and I will never let anything change that, okay? 

"I love you so much, Emily." I choked, fighting the tears.

I fell asleep with her hands running through my hair and her scent filling the room. She always smelt so fresh and pure, like flowers and fruit and it was so beautiful and calming. I felt so safe with her. How could I have been so stupid and tried to end all of this?

** Emily's POV **

As she slept, I had a million questions still floating in my head, and I knew I had to ask them at some point. Why, JJ? Why did you do it? I kept asking myself over and over. Where did you get the pills from? She started moaning in her sleep and I quickly resumed the rubbing of her back, in small counter-clockwise circles, and she quietened down, her thumb by her lips, sleeping like a little baby. God she was adorable, even tired and in hospital. My fingers fiddled with the gold ring that was fresh on my left hand, it felt so long ago that JJ had proposed, and I had said yes, even though it was only yesterday. 

The door opened slightly and I sat upright, smiling as Hotch slipped inside.

"How is she?" He whispered, taking the seat next to me.

"Bad, Hotch, but she's on the road to recovery, I think."

"Strauss is getting pushed again from above. Emily, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep the team together like this."

I rubbed his shoulder gently. "You'll get through it, we all will. We're a family, remember." 

He smiled again as he stood up to leave.

"Thanks, Emily."

I waved as he left and turned to face JJ again. She was restless in her sleep and I knew she was having another bad dream so I started to stroke her back softly until she calmed down again. It would get better, surely?