After 4

Chapter 40

Tessa's Diary:

Entry 1:

I think it's kind of strange when you go out to public places. You see so many people and so many faces and they all kind of fade into a blur, but then you see one person. You stop in place and look at him.

You look at him and both of you lock eyes. It's kind of indescribable. You wan't to look away but you can't. You're just so locked in.

I didn't know why I was so gravitated towards that one person. Towards Harry. I really don't know.

It just doesn't make sense. In the beginning, we hated each other. I yelled at him and he resented me more for it. He kept his distance but in a sense he was always close.

It's not like it was something I could help. We had mutual friends so we were bound to keep running into each other. I tried to stay away but I couldn't.

It's like everywhere I turned he was there. Lurking from a far. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me. I'm not sure if it was that kind of stare that you do when you hate someone or the kind of stare when you know the inevitable will occur.

I think it was both. He didn't like me in the beginning but I'm not surprised. We weren't similar at all. And I mean at all. It was as if someone put the most destructive, chaotic, insanely possessive, wacko individual in front of me but I couldn't help but give all of my love. 

I couldn't help give all my love because it was as if the world wanted me to meet someone who wasn't necessarily my match, but could fills the holes in my life that I didn't even know existed. 

It's just that isn't it? Life is so much more fun when you are in love. Everything is brighter, more vibrant. My laughter, waking up in the morning, taking on the day. Every experience is richer, more exciting than the last.

But thinking back on it, I often think about the beginning with Harry and how it compares to know. Sometimes I sit in my bed after a fight blew out between us two and I compare it to the beginning.

I compare Harry from then till now. Parts of him are the same but a lot of him has changed. He's a little bit softer but still rough around the edges.

And that stare. I touched on how it before but his eyes just keep coming back to me. I remember we would go to parties. I was shyer back then and a little bit more reserved. You would have the usual: people would come to me at parties, say a quick hello and then quickly leave. 

They were just doing it to be cordial but you could tell that they didn't want to talk to me because they quickly retreated towards their friends afterwards.

Sometimes guys would come up to me and display some interest but I was just so un-impressed. They would make small talk with me and ask meaningless questions like what year I was or what I did on campus for fun. 

I never really had the chance to talk to those guys for more than five minutes at most because Harry would come and interject in the conversation. The funny part was he didn't even interject to talk to me. He interjected to talk to the guy who was talking to me. Never once did he really even acknowledge me in those conversations except when he initially intruded on the conversation. 

It annoyed part of me but the other part of me was happy because I liked being around Harry even though I hated to admit it. 

I liked being around him even though he never said one word to me. Even his presence gave me comfort. His weird territorial nature made it seem as if part of him cared about me. 

I remember one day I was at a party with Step and some of her friends and a blonde haired tall boy came up to me. I recognized him because I met him before at another frat. I wasn't so sure that he would recognize me as much because he was wasted at the party where I met him.

"Hey, I think I met you somewhere you look really familiar. " The blonde boy says and smiles.

"Hey I remember. I met you at Lamda Chi." I say.

"Yeah. I'm Shane. It's nice to met you again." He smiles again and turns his shoulders towards me.

"Yeah it's nice to meet you again. I'm Tessa again by the way." I return the smile.

"Yeah no need to repeat your name. I remember." His blue eyes look into mine and I can't help thinking that there might be more than one nice guy besides Liam on this campus.

"So who'd you come here with?" 

"Oh, just Step and some of her friends." I point over to a very drunk Step playing beer-pong with some other girls.

"Ah, so why are you standing her by yourself?" He probs.

"Well I'm not much of a drinker and if I go over there, Step is going to make me play beer-pong with her and I absolutely hate beer."

We both laugh at the same time and it's nice. 

"That's true. You know if you're ever bored, you can come hang out at my frat, TIKE."

"Oh yeah that sounds like a lot of -" Before I even get a chance to finish my sentence, I see a tall lean figure out of my rear view eye. 

"Hey Shane what's up." I see Harry smack Shane's shoulder and that makes him turn around.

"Styles! What the fuck man, you nearly scared the shit out of me."

"Well maybe you should grow a larger pair of balls. Actually nah your still a loser." They both laugh out loud and I kind of just stand there awkwardly until one of them says something.

A few seconds goes by and Harry finally says something.

"Tessa." Harry's warm demeanor towards Shane instantly turns cold when he says my name.

"Harry." I say and take two steps back. I was all fine with Shane until Harry came over here and messed up my composure.

I think Shane forgets that I was even there in the first place because his head turns back to Harry and they start talking again. I kind of awkwardly fade away in the rest of the crowd and return to an even drunker Step than before.

"Tessa!!" Steph yells and slings her arm around my shoulder. 

"Hey Steph haha are you having fun?" I say, trying to lighten my mood even though Harry just pissed me off.

"Tessa I'm having so much fucking fun, did I ever mention how much I love you? Your like the best fucking roommate ever. I mean seriously you are the fucking nicest." She says while slurring her words.

I sigh. She is way too gone right now. I look back and Harry's still talking to Shane. 

His eyes catch mine and I want to hold our gaze but I look away. I can't. Harry's gaze is too intense. 

My mind returns back from the flashback.

You know it's interesting. It was because of Steph that those people even talked to me at all. If I wasn't roommates with her, I'm not sure if any of this would have happened. 

I don't even think I would have met Harry. We're just too different. We wouldn't even run in the same circles. 

I don't know why I keep going back to that first moment we met. In my dorm room. He hated me right of the bat. I was just too shy to do anything. But I think both of us knew. 

*End of chapter 40!!! Yay, I finally updated!! Okay y'all, this was definitely something different. I wanted to try something new. I will put up a normal chapter next time. I'll probably write another chapter in a couple of hours. PLEASE PLEASE LIKE/COMMENT/STAR. It's weird y'all. Lately I've been in my feels about this boy. So that is kind of where the inspiration for this chapter came from. But anyways, lowkey I want to tell y'all about this boy I have a crush on. Basically, I yelled at him because he talked shit about one of my friends. But now lowkey I think he's cute and fun and I have no idea how I approach the situation. You guys please tell me what to do, I legit have no idea how to talk to him. What do I do??? :(((

Also guys put in the comment what do you want to see happen next!! I do read all the comments and appreciate the love!