Pretending

30

Namjoon's POV

Hanging out with my friends wasn't fun anymore.

Tae just looked sad all the time now. He clung to Jin like a leech. It was always just them cuddling and watching movies together. Or if Jin had homework he would be working while Tae cuddled into his side and moped.

Jimin was hardly around. He just stayed at his dorm, doing who the fuck knows what.

Hoseok didn't really talk to me anymore. He was too mad at me for making Yoongi feel bad.

I just felt left out from everything. Everyone seemed to be busy with something, while I had nothing.

I just did my work and studied for things and ate and slept and lived and breathed. But where was the fun at? Most importantly, where was the sex?

Jin refused to have sex with me while his child was right there next to him. Which I understood.

But what I didn't understand was why we couldn't have sex when he wasn't around. When Tae was busy with his own work or classes.

I started to wonder where the hell Jin was in all that free time.

It seemed like if he had no time for me anymore.

He was either gone or with Tae.

Not that I was jealous. Just curious.

I decided to just ask him while he was lying in bed with Tae wrapped around him.

I got on the bed with them and Jin glared at me.

"Why are you intruding?" Jin asked.

I rolled my eyes. He had been such a little bitch lately.

"I need to ask you something."

"What is it? Can't it wait?"

"I mean it could, but you're never around to talk to. You're either babying Tae or you're out. So, no I don't think it can fucking wait."

He rolled his eyes again and squeezed Tae harder against his chest.

Tae looked up and gave me a small smile. "Sorry, Namjoonie. I've been hogging up all of Jinnie's attention."

"It's whatever Tae. Just go back to watching your fucking movie."

Jin glared at me. "Say what you're gonna say Namjoon."

"Where do you go when you're not with Tae? What have you been doing? Who have you been with all this time? Why are you always so busy? And how have we not had sex in this long?"

Jin rolled his eyes again. "Namjoon, it's only been a week."

I scoff. "Exactly. An entire week. We have sex at least once a day Jin!"

Tae grimaces. "I didn't want to know that."

"Well then maybe you should leave. Go back to your dorm with Jimin and talk things through correctly like an adult and stop beating around the damn bush!"

Tae's eyes got watery, but he looked angry.

Jin glared at me and pushed me off the bed. "Namjoon, get out of here. We'll talk later. Just leave for now."

I glared back at him but left.

I left his house and drove back to the dorms.

What the fuck was I even supposed to do? I didn't want to spend the day alone.

I decided to knock on Jimin's dorm. Maybe I could hang with him.

Jimin opened the door and said, "Tae, you're back," before he realized it was just me.

"Oh, Namjoon. Hi. I thought you were Tae. Do you want to come in?"

I nodded and walked in.

Jimin looked like an absolute mess. His eyes were red and his he looked like he hadn't slept well in a long time.

"Why do you look like shit?" I asked Jimin.

He just stared at me with wide eyes.

"Sorry, are you feeling sensitive right now? I mean, why do you look, um, different?

He sighed. "You were right the first time. I look like shit. I should probably shower. And make myself look presentable. I mean when Tae comes back he'll be so grossed out he'll just leave again."

"Yea, why is Tae attached to my boyfriend like if his life depends on it? I don't like it one bit."

He looked down guiltily. "I fucked up."

"When don't you?"

Jimin looked at me anger, and then it shifted to defeat and sadness. "You're right. When don't I fuck shit up?"

I rolled my eyes. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you fucked up, then fix it."

His eyes got watery. "But how? I don't know how to do that. I'm only good at being nice. I don't know how to be honest about things."

"Lies. You were honest and not nice plenty of times. Like when you told Tae how you felt about Jungkook. That was pretty honest and definitely not nice."

Jimin started crying. "I'm not like that anymore. That was a mistake. I know I messed up. I can't fix that now. I don't know what you people want from me! I already apologized. I already felt bad about it. What else can I do now?"

"Jimin these are the types of things that you and Tae need to talk about. You're allowed to be angry. Tae's allowed to be angry. But you're making a mistake to think it's better to pretend that it didn't happen. Fuck, I swear I sound like a broken record. I keep on telling you idiots this shit, but you don't learn."

Jimin stops crying. "I miss Tae so much. I wish I could demand to know where he's at and what he's doing. But that'd be crossing the line with what a friend is allowed to demand from another friend. I'm not his boyfriend."

"Why aren't you his boyfriend? What are you waiting for?"

Jimin sighs. "I want Tae to find someone better. I want him to realize how much of a piece of shit I am and for him to leave me. But I also want to keep him forever. I want to marry him and adopt babies with him. And I don't know what's best for us, so I don't want to tie us down. I don't want to make him think he can't leave me. I want him to be open to find someone else."

"Jimin, do you not realize that this man is in love with you? He's never leaving you. No matter what. For better or for worse. Now you have to decide. How much do you love Tae? Do you want him to be with someone who won't confront things? Talk to him. And please get him to leave my boyfriend alone."

Jimin nods. "You're so wise Namjoon. I'm sorry I was ever bitchy to you."

I laughed. "Yea, yea. Whatever. Just talk to your bitch. And fix things before Jin's graduation or that shit's gonna be awkward."