Pretending

18

I was happy with Jimin. So happy, but at the same time the guilt was eating at me.

Yoongi.

He didn't deserve this. He was such a good guy. I wished I never would have come into his life.

I knew that I had to talk to him, and I felt like it had to be in person.

Since he had moved back home now that we were on a break from college he was two hours away from me. I messaged him asking if he minded if I drove over to see him. He wanted to meet me halfway, but I convinced him to let me just meet him. I'm glad I did because I didn't want to see how upset he'd be if he knew he had made an effort for a person like me.

I didn't have a car, so I got Jimin to lend me his.

When I got to the coffee shop that Yoongi and I were supposed to meet at, he was already there with his beautiful smile. It was like if he knew what I was about to say and was trying to make me feel like a piece of shit.

"Taehyung, I missed you," he said as he hugged me. I could sense he was planning on kissing me, so I pulled away before it could happen.

"Me too," I said. And it wasn't a lie. He was still a great guy.

We ordered our drinks and the sight of his black coffee reminded me of our bitter and sweet kisses.

"Yoongi, I need to tell you something," I said as we sat down.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" he smirked.

I smiled. "It's a boy."

He smiled and didn't say anything, so I went on with what I was going to say.

"Yoongi, I'm not sure how to say this. Honestly, I can't think of any way to say this in a way that would make it sound better, so I think I should go out and say it." I took a deep breath. "A few days ago, I kissed someone."

Yoongi kept on staring at me. His smile had left his face.

"I know we weren't in any official relationship, but I know it still wasn't right. And I'm really sorry for that Yoongi. I didn't want to hurt you, and I honestly really liked you, but I really like this other person too. I can't continue to be with you and – "

He cut me off with, "Is it Jungkook?" He glared at me and I felt so small under his gaze. "I swear Tae, you're a fucking idiot because he's just going to break your heart again."

"It wasn't Jungkook."

"Well then who the fuck was it?"

I sighed as I looked at my hands and said in a quiet voice. "Jimin."

Yoongi didn't say anything. When I looked back up at him his face was unreadable.

After a while he spoke. "Forget what I said Tae. I'm the idiot." He paused for a second. "Of course, it was fucking Jimin. I mean how many times did you fucking tell me, 'Yoongi, I love Jimin,'? I should have known it wasn't just in a friendly way."

"Yoongi, I- "

"Just shut up, Tae, okay? I don't want to hear whatever bullshit you're going to say. Give me some fucking time to process this."

I sadly nodded and looked down as we sat in silence.

"You know I can't even hate you the way I want to. You had to fucking pick the sweetest guy ever." He sighed. "Why did you guys even kiss? Didn't he like just break up with Jungkook?"

I nodded.

"Tae, you know that isn't going to work. You're just a rebound."

I frowned. "Yoongi, that's not true."

"It isn't huh? Tae, open your eyes. He was heartbroken over that prick not too long ago. And you were right there. He needed someone to comfort him. And he knows he can count on sweet reliable Tae who will always be there to do whatever the fuck he wants. Honestly, I don't know if I should be mad at you or feel bad. After Jimin gets over you he's just going to leave you. And being the little bitch that you are for him, you'll just keep on being his friend and once again watch the person you care for be with someone else."

My watery eyes finally released the tears they had been holding in at the mention of my worst fears.

"I hope when that happens that you finally learn to stop holding him to a pedestal. And that you recognize when someone really cares for you."

I let out a sob before I said, "Yoongi, please stop. I'm sorry. I know this is stupid, but I can't help it. I love him."

His anger seemed to disappear as he looked at my tears. "Tae, I really liked you. I still do actually. And I care about you. And I know that maybe I'm just being a jerk and over reacting since we weren't even official, but I just thought that it was clear that we shouldn't be doing shit with other people." He sighed. "This hurts, but somehow I care about you enough that I genuinely still want you to be happy. Even if it isn't with me."

I looked up at him and gave him a sad smile.

"Tae, I don't think you and Jimin are going to work. But do whatever you want. Thank you for telling me. Now if you don't mind I need to get out of here. I can't stand to look at you anymore and not hug you or kiss you."

My tears rolled down my cheeks again as he got up to leave.

"Yoongi," I called out softly to him.

"Yea?" he asked looking at me.

"I'm really sorry. I'm an idiot."

He nodded. "Bye, Tae," he said. Then he left.

I cried on my own for a bit and then when I finally calmed down I went to Jimin's car and started the drive back home.

My fears haunted my thoughts as I drove.

When I got to Jimin's house, I was greeted by his amazing parents. I went to his room and found him watching a movie. As soon as he saw me his face lit up with a bright smile.

"Tae!" he said as he hugged me.

I let out the tears I had been holding in while driving.

"Tae, you want to talk about it?" Jimin asked in a soft voice.

I shook my head.

"Okay," he said as he pulled me down to the bed. He pulled my body to his chest like I had done for him many times in the past and he played with my hair.

The loving action made me cry more.

"It's okay Tae," he said as he rubbed my back to comfort me. He kissed my forehead and just held me.

As much as I loved every second of being enveloped in his arms, Yoongi's words kept on running through my mind. I was terrified they were true.

"Tae, I love you," Jimin said. The words were spoken at the right moment. Exactly when I needed to hear them.

I slowly stopped crying and held him tight as I said, "I love you too Jimin."