Pretending

27

Things had really started to look up for me. My life was as good as it had ever been.

I was so in love with Jimin, and I loved Namjoon's and Jin's friendship.

I was doing great in all of my classes and I was so happy.

The semester was ending soon, which meant Jin's graduation was less than a month away.

I busied myself planning him a graduation party behind his back with Jimin. Although I suspect that Jimin would run things by Jin because I found Jimin's suggestions to be oddly specific and they sounded a hell lot like Jin's own personal request.

And that was fine by me. I pretended like I didn't know. As long as he got a good party he'd enjoy.

Jimin and I still weren't official.

Now that four months had passed, it started to bother me. And it didn't help that Namjoon kept reminding me that it was weird.

I started to question it so much.

Was it weird? Did it mean something more?

I really wanted to talk to my closest friend ever about it, but that was Jimin, and I refused to talk to him about it in case he wasn't comfortable with that. I wanted to talk to Jin, but he was too busy with his finals that would determine whether he would actually get to graduate.

There was Namjoon. He'd probably mock me. But he was the best I had.

I got to my sociology class that I shared with Namjoon and saw him already sitting there, with his dimples showing along with his teeth as he smiled at me.

"Taetae!" he said as I sat down next to him.

I smiled at him. "Hey Namjoonie,"

The class ended and the two of us went to eat together since Jin was busy doing something.

"I want to talk to you about something," I said tentatively as I moved my noodles around without eating them.

"What is it beautiful?" Namjoon said in a serious tone as he just shoved noodles in his mouth. He had clearly gotten his eating habits from Jin.

"It's about-"

Namjoon cut me off. "About how you and Jimin still haven't labeled things yet and it's starting to really bother you?"

My eyes widened. "Um, yea actually. How did you know?"

He rolls his eyes. "Tae, sweetie, it's obvious."

I looked back at my noodles and didn't know what to say. So instead I busied my mouth with food.

"Look Taehyung. When I first met you, I knew you were a special person. You're not only beautiful, but you're kind. And when I met Jimin, I could see why you didn't want to get involved with Jin and I. Because as sexy as we are, Jimin is not something you want to risk losing. I get it Tae. He's gorgeous. He's someone that you'd be lucky to have. But so are you. You guys are like this super couple of beauty and sweetness. Except for the fact that you aren't a couple."

I swallowed my food and looked down.

"The biggest problem with you guys isn't that you aren't dating. It's not about a fucking label. It's about the reason that there's no label. And that's that you and Jimin can't seem to be able to confront any conflicts between you two. You just let everything that's bothering you stay bottled up. You don't discuss things and you pretend to be perfectly fine. And I know that you think that you're doing this to protect Jimin from getting hurt, but trust me, he's doing the same with you. And guess where that leads you two idiots?"

I looked at him with watery eyes, hating how sensitive I always was.

"It leaves the both of you hurting and lying to each other for the other's sake," Namjoon answered his own question.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "Namjoon, I don't know how to even begin to tell him how I feel. I don't want to ruin things."

"You think pretending everything is fine isn't ruining things?"

The truth hit me like a slap in the face.

"Tae, you'd do anything for Jimin right? So, do this for Jimin. This silence is bad for both of you."

I nodded slowly. He was right.

Namjoon smiled at me. "Damn Tae, just realized we had a whole conversation today without me mentioning sex. I'm proud of myself."

I smiled back at him, wiping my tears.

"I need advice too Tae. From a nice guy like you."

I nodded. "Shoot."

"Okay so there's this guy. Super cute and small. Also, super sassy and a little bitchy. But none the less, he's caught my eye. But I scared him off because I was too overly sexual. And I don't know how to fix things. I've only seen him twice since then, but he avoids me. I mean it probably didn't help that I whistled at the view of his ass as he passed by." Namjoon grimaced at his behavior. "I'm too fucked up, aren't I? There's no way he'll ever talk to me again."

"Namjoon you're not fucked up. You just have no filter."

Namjoon rolled his eyes. "You really are too nice. No wonder he liked you."

I raised my eyebrow. "Who are you talking about?"

He hesitated. "Yoongi."

My eyes widened. I wasn't expecting that answer. "Namjoon, I hurt Yoongi. I wouldn't say I'm really that much of a good guy."

"Tae, shut up. You're nice okay. Tell me how I should act. I really wanna fuck him."

I sighed. "Namjoon, it's that attitude that's not going to get you anywhere. If you just want to sleep with him, you should just move on. He deserves better than that."

Namjoon frowned at me. "Yea, never mind what I said about nice."

"I'm trying to look out for someone I care about. He doesn't deserve to be with Namjoon that just wants to fuck around. If you want advice for the Namjoon that gives great advice, is an amazing friend and is a really funny guy, then sure. But don't mess with him for sex. Yoongi is very serious about things. If he's telling you he doesn't want anything, you should respect that."

Namjoon sighed. "I liked it better when it was me pointing out your mistakes."

I smiled. "Yours are not mistakes Namjoonie. You just have different personalities. Nothing wrong with fucking around. Just don't do it with someone who isn't into that."

Namjoon scrunched his nose at me and pretended to be irritated. "When did you get so annoying kid?"

I smiled. "Since I started hanging out with you and Jin."

He smiled back. "All right. Whatever. Let's get out of here if you're done eating. I have class soon."

We both got up and left the restaurant, both of us feeling better after having talked things through.