Pretending

20

I had been feeling shitty lately. Even though I was happy to be able to hang out with Jimin all the time, it felt like every moment with him was limited. I felt as if things were bound to end soon. Yoongi's words stayed in my brain and made me terrified.

Jimin seemed to be something precious, valuable, too good for anyone. I knew no one was ever going to be good enough for him, including me. I was so scared that Jimin would one day say that he regretted everything. That things went too fast. That he had been sad about losing the boy he loved. That he confused his love for me as a friend and made a mistake in deciding to take our relationship to a different level.

It seemed illogical to me to think that things would last. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that although I was no longer pretending to be okay with Jimin's and Jungkook's relationship, I was still pretending.

Pretending to be happy. Pretending to not be scared. Pretending like I didn't feel so fucking sad about how things ended with Yoongi and how now all I could think about was the moment where Jimin would come to his senses and decide he didn't want more than just a friendship with me.

I felt to insecure. So fucking worthless.

Still, as fleeting as the moment felt, it definitely seemed better than nothing.

When I kissed Jimin, I was thankful to have that to remember. Even if wouldn't last long. Even if that was the last time I ever got to kiss him. At least I got the opportunity.

Every moment with him was like I was in paradise. And maybe it wasn't going to last forever. But it was still so perfect.

"Tae, what you thinking about?" Jimin asked me. He had just gotten out of the shower. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked so fucking cute and cuddly.

I had been laying down in his bed, doing nothing other than staring at the wall, feeling like shit.

"Nothing much," I said to him with a smile. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed next to me.

He giggled as he fell on the bed clumsily. "I'm going to get the pillow wet," he said.

I pulled him on top of me, his legs on either side of my waist. "There. Now your head won't touch the bed."

He smiled at me and put his hands on my chest. Then he leaned down to kiss me. I put my hands on his waist.

His body wasn't as warm as usual since he had just showered. I slid my hands under his shirt and ran them down his back. He deepened the kiss and bit my bottom lip. I moved my hands from his back to his thighs.

He felt so fucking sexy on top of me. The way he took charge of the kiss and explored my mouth with his tongue. He was sitting right on top of my crotch, and the combination of his body on top of mine and how fucking sexy he was had me hard.

He must have felt my boner and in response he moved his body on top of mine to create friction.

I moaned into the kiss and he stopped to look at me.

He smiled at me with the most innocent smile while he did things that were certainty not innocent.

"You're so cute Tae," he said after a moment.

"You're so sexy," I said staring back at him.

"Can I tell you something that might be weird?" he asked looking nervous.

"Anything baby."

He smiled at that. "Remember how I told you when we drank last time that I was into some kinky shit."