Pretending

4

When I walked into English that day, I was determined to ask Yoongi out. After Jimin and I had talked about my "crush" on Yoongi, he had just looked so happy and excited and relieved. He told me I should ask him out and to try to get myself out of it I argued that I didn't know if he was even into guys. Unfortunately Jimin knew Yoongi's best friend Hoseok, and he had heard that Yoongi had dated guys before.

Jimin knew I wasn't really that shy, so I couldn't come up with any other excuse for not asking Yoongi out, other than the fact that I was still upset that Jimin and Jungkook were dating. And there was no way I was telling him that.

So I walked in with confidence and sat next to Yoongi. We had talked before a couple of times. He was definitely cute and a pretty cool guy. Maybe this would even be nice.

"Yoongi," I said as I tapped his shoulder. He turned around with his eyebrows scrunched up in a questioning gaze.

"Yea?" He asked.

I decided to just get straight to the point. If I really had a crush on him this would have been nerve wracking. As chill as Yoongi was there was still an intimidating aura about him and the feeling that he was going to judge any stupid thing you did.

"Yoongi do you think I'm cute?" He was surprised by my question.

He smiled and said, "What?"

"I said do you think I'm cute?"

He looked amused, and only slightly flustered. "Why are you asking me that?"

"I think you're cute Yoongi." I wasn't lying, but it still felt odd to be telling him this. Being this straightforward wasn't really my style.

He gave me a smile, his gums showing in the most adorable way ever. Damn, he really was cute.

"You're pretty cute too Tae."

I smiled back.

"You do like guys right? I don't want to um," I stopped talking and Yoongi spoke.

"Yes. I'm bisexual. You?"

"Gay," I responded. Although this whole conversation had ulterior moments for me, I couldn't help but appreciate the personal growth I had made. I had gone from a self hating homophobe to someone openly admitting his sexuality.

"Yoongi, would you want to go on a date sometime?" Yoongi thought about it for a moment.

"Well I have so much homework all the time and-"

I cut him off before he could reject me. "Yea I know, college sucks. You're always busy. But what about coffee? We can meet before class and just see how it goes." I gave him my cutest smile.

He smiled back. "Okay, that sounds nice."

"How does tomorrow sound?"

"Tomorrow's fine. My class starts at 12 so maybe we can meet at 10 or 11. I don't really like waking up early," he let out a small chuckle.

"Okay sounds great." I put my phone in his hands. "Give me your number."

He typed the digits into my phone, and as I stared at his hands, I began to realize how pretty they were. Yup, this might just be to make Jimin happy, but I didn't see why I couldn't enjoy myself.

He handed me back the phone and we smiled at each other.

Then the professor walked in and began the lesson. The entire time I just kept on looking at Yoongi and his pretty blonde hair.

He turned to look at me and scrunched up his nose and narrowed his eyes, feigning irritation. 'You're staring' he mouthed out.

I smiled at his cute face and looked away.

When class finally ended he looked at me before leaving and said, "See you tomorrow cutie."

As I walked out of class I found that Jimin was waiting for me with a big smile on his face.

"Kim Taehyung, you did it didn't you?"

Jimin's happiness was infectious.

"We're meeting tomorrow for coffee," I said with a smile.

"This is perfect, I'm so happy for you. I'm sure you two will be boyfriends in no time."

"I mean let's not get ahead of ourselves. I don't really know him. I just want to see where things go."

Jimin smile brightens. "Okay. I'm happy either way." Those words left a confirmation that I was doing the right thing.

I wrapped my arm around Jimin and the two of us walked together into the parking lot, where Jungkook was waiting for us so we could go eat lunch together.

Jimin and Jungkook greeted each other with a hug and a kiss. I tried my hardest to not feel awkward. Thankfully they kept it brief. When they pulled away Jungkook looked at me and smiled.

"Hey Tae."

"Hello Jungkook," I said with a matching smile to signify that yes, we were still cool. I knew that Jimin was carefully watching our interaction for signs that I was not okay with the situation.

We got in the car and went to eat pizza.

Everything was normal.

Everyone was fine.

Everything is okay.

Everything is okay.

Everything is okay.

I kept repeating those words as I smiled and laughed along with them. Meanwhile my heart ached.