Pretending

38

When I woke up the warmth next to me was no longer there. I patted the space next to me, looking for something that was missing. In my half-asleep state, I wasn't sure exactly what I was looking for, so I just kept on moving around the bed to see if I could find it.

"I'm right here," a voice said.

I rubbed my eyes and looked at the direction of the voice.

Jimin was standing there looking at me with a small smile.

I realized what I had been looking for. My body craved his presence and my brain subconsciously sought him out.

"I made breakfast. Pancakes," he said with a proud smile.

It felt odd, but because this was so normal. I knew things weren't the same as always, and it felt weird for things to seem back in place when they clearly weren't.

I got up and made my way to the restroom without saying anything. Jimin frowned and looked upset, but he just went to get plates.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time. I looked like Tae, but I didn't feel like Tae. The Tae I usually knew was used to either feeling happy or miserable. I wasn't angry anymore, but I also wasn't fine. I had a hard time identifying what I was feeling.

It almost felt like no emotion. A numbness. Like if too many emotions had fought their way for dominance in my mind, and my brain was too exhausted to decide on one, so it just gave up and felt nothing.

I stopped looking in the mirror because I started to hate the reflection that looked back at me.

I finally left the restroom and joined Jimin on the couch. He had served me pancakes and prepared them for me just like I liked them.

He even had orange juice and strawberries.

"Did you go to the store or something?" I asked, sure that our fridge didn't have any of those things.

"Yea," he said as he turned on the tv. "You were asleep, so I decided to go out before you woke up."

I took a bite and the delicious flavor made me smile.

"They're good?" Jimin asked looking at me.

"They're perfect," I said.

His face brightened up. "Like when we were younger Tae. Remember?"

Of course I remembered.

Jimin would bring me pancakes to school that he'd made because he knew that I didn't eat at home.

The memory warmed my heart.

"You always brought me orange juice in that pink bottle."

Jimin laughed. "My mom threw it away! I was so upset. I wanted to keep it forever. It has so many memories."

I let out a small laugh. "It was probably super gross. We used it so many times."

I took another bite and felt emotions start to slip back out. I was an emotional mess after all. The whole not feeling things wouldn't last long on someone like me, especially with someone like Jimin there to make me feel.

Jimin put on some random show. Neither of us watched it. The background noise was comforting though.

After a while Jimin spoke. "Tae, I really am sorry. For not letting you be angry."

"I'm sorry for getting so angry," I say.

We're both quiet.

"Don't feel pressured to forgive me Tae. It was wrong of me to demand you to. I made it seem like if you didn't suffer. Like if my suffering was somehow anyone's fault but mine. You're the one who was affected by me. And you can take all the time you need to forgive me."

I looked at him. "Thanks." His words make me feel better and allow me to admit to myself that I really hadn't forgiven him like I'd thought.

He smiled at me. He was radiating comfort and love and kindness. This was my Jimin. The guy that I was in love with. I realized that there was something I needed to fix right now.

"Jimin, I know that these past few days have been rough on us. We've both let out our anger and our discomfort and sometimes it sucked. We hurt each other with our words and we were dumb and immature. But I've realized that despite the rough patch, the one thing I want the most is for us to be fine. Even if in the future we have more fights, right now I just want to be with you and I want to show you how much I love you."

Jimin eyes lit up in happiness. "I want that too Tae. I think so many times we pretended we were fine so we could skip to the happy parts. This isn't what's happening right now though. I know you better now and you know me better too. We saw our faults and our anger. And we still want this. We still want to be together. Things aren't perfect, but they never were. At least now we feel more comfortable to raise our opinions on the shit we do."

I nodded. "Jimin, I don't want to just be your friend. I want more than that. I want to be your boyfriend and to call you mine without hesitating about our relationship status. I want to feel our commitment. I want to celebrate anniversaries and do cute shit for when we have a year together."

His eyes got watery, but he looked happy. "I want that too Tae."

"So, is that a yes? You'll be my boyfriend?"

He giggled. "Yea."

I put the plate on the table and then made my way to Jimin. My lips were on him and his tongue was inside my mouth and my hands are on his waist and we were kissing each other like if we hadn't seen each other in a year.

I sat on his lap and we kissed some more. Then I let him carry me to my bed.

It was different. We were sloppy and rushing things, but it didn't feel off. It felt so good to finally be together.

He was on top of me and he looked so damn sexy. My hands touched his thighs and made their way to his ass. I squeezed, and he groaned.

We didn't say anything as we quickly undressed.

In no time Jimin was coating his fingers in lube and opening himself up. I watched him and felt so fucking turned on seeing him making himself moan. I added one of my fingers and helped him.

Then he was on top of me, putting my dick inside him slowly as he adjusted. He was looking at me and all trace of cute Jimin is gone and the sex god came out.

He rode me. Moaning loudly and bouncing on my dick as I thrusted up just as fast.

He didn't hold back, and he didn't slow down.

We both didn't take long to orgasm.

He laid down on top of me afterwards and we both panted as we regained our breath.

After a while we showered together and went back to the couch.

Jimin put on a show, and this time we watched it.