"If you are working on something that you really care about you don't have to be pushed. The vision pulls you." - Steve Jobs
Chapter 68: Positive
2101 Woodpine Road
The tiles of the bathroom were cold. My butt was numb. My hands were trembling in fear. I had shortness of breath. It felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest. And suddenly I was hit with a wave of nausea.
Breathe, just breathe Tatiana. I tried calming myself down by thinking of breathing in and out. It felt like I couldn't do it automatically. It felt like I had to tell my brain to let me breathe in and out.
When the trembling stopped and I could properly breathe I leaned over the toilet and vomited.
Morning sickness, that was why I was feeling so sick. I still didn't want to believe it but it was hard with four positive pregnancy tests.
I shakily reached for my phone and dialed Grace's number. After 3 rings she picks up "Ciao Tatiana!" I swallowed and replied, "I need you, Grace." Black dots were covering my vision and before I knew it my eyes closed and I lost consciousness.
When I woke up, Grace was hovering over me as I rest on the bed. She quickly gave me a glass of water and sat down next to my legs. "Panic attack?" Her Italia accent came through strong when she spoke English.
Just nodding she patted my leg. I don't think she saw the tests, so just to make sure I looked her in the eyes and said, "I'm pregnant." Her eyes grew wide before breaking out in a smile. However, her smile disappeared when she saw the look on my face.
"I can't be pregnant! I'm not ready." She nodded in understanding.
"We just got married, we haven't spent time together like a real married couple and now there might be a third addition to this family? I don't even know if Nikolai wants children. I don't even know if I want children!"
Tears started running down my cheek. I hated it, it showed weakness. That would explain why I've been so emotional the last few days. Why I easily cried and the sickness.
"Hey, don't think too much about it. I'll take you to the clinic when you're ready and we can go check things out. I mean you can't be that far along, right?" Grace stated looking as calm as ever.
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The doctor walked back into the room with a clipboard in her hands. Smiling she looked up grinning. "Congratulations, you are about 9 and a half weeks pregnant." I once again began shaking and tears threaten to appear.
"Right now your baby is about as big as a strawberry, but I'd like to take a scan if you don't mind to make sure everything is going as it should."
I couldn't say anything so Grace nodded for me and the doctor pulled my shirt up a bit. "This might be a tad cold." I was still staring at the door, unmovable.
My head snapped to the screen when I heard the unmistakable sound of a heartbeat. I stared at the screen trying to see anything. The doctor pointed out the small blob on the screen and for the first time, a smile graced my face.
"Your baby... wait," The doctor looked close and I looked at her with big eyes. "Is something wrong?" I suddenly asked all nervous.
"Actually no, but your babies are about 1.2 inches long and weighing about 1.4 ounces." I looked at Grace and then we both looked at the doctor. "Babies? As in more than one?"
She chuckled and nodded "Yes, two of them. I almost didn't see the second blob because the hearts are in sync."
She wiped the cream off my stomach and pulled my shirt back down. "So what have your symptoms been?" I shook my head and placed a hand over my stomach.
"I've only been sick, morning sickness." She nodded but then frowned. "Hum, that's weird. Around about now you should have had round ligament pain and with it being twins it should be hurting, your breasts should also be larger. Shirts might be sitting tighter."
I started thinking back to the last few weeks, noticing that my shirts have been tighter but I only thought it was a bit of weight, maybe even muscles.
"Well then, you have a long 23 weeks to go. You'll most defiantly start feeling Round ligament pain, your breast will grow about twice the normal size, a lot of morning sickness especially with twins, mood swings, fatigue, and your veins will become more visible because they are carrying a ton of extra blood to the babies."
I nodded and took deep breathes. Grace talked to the doctor about a few things as I stared down at my stomach.
I noticed the small bump and grinned. It was so unnoticeable that if you didn't know what you were looking for you wouldn't see it.
Even though I was grinning, I felt nervous and scared, maybe even frightened. For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know how to handle the situation. The doctor came to stand next to me with a few flyers.
"So it is a bit weird that you only found out you're pregnant now. So here are a few things you need to read. Here is your prescription of prenatal vitamin, you need to have a healthy diet, only pregnancy friendly exercises and you need to get a lot of sleep. "
I took the flyers from her and she also handed me a few pictures of the ultrasound test.
"I'd say the babies were conceived about around the 12 of May which would mean that due date is about mid-January, more between the 10th and 12th. You would need to get a proper OBGYN. The rest I'll leave up to you, you can do your own research and if you have any questions for me you could email or come see me."
Grace and I thanked her before walking out and driving home. So it was official. I was pregnant. How I was going to tell Nikolai was the next step but until I was ready I decided that I would do my research.
After Grace dropped me off I found out that Nikolai has still not returned which works for me. I walked up to our bathroom and decided to hide the tests in a box that I would later give to him with the first ultrasound.
