Disasterology ✞Luke Hemmings✞

Chapter 12- How To Save A Life

Let him know that you know best

'Cause after all you do know best

Try to slip past his defense

Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you've told him all along

Pray to God, he hears you

And I pray to God, he hears you

"Are you awake?" I whispered to Luke from across the room.

"Yeah," he whispered back.

"Can you come and lay with me?"

"Want your tablet?"

"No. I want to talk," I heard the rustle of the bed sheets and his body warmth soon hit me.

His front was pressed against my back and I felt his hand fiddling with the bit of my sweater covering my stomach, "what do you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry for today"

"I already told you it's alright," he said with a quiet chuckle.

"Can I pour my heart out to you?"

"Of course. But why now?"

"You've seen me at my worst"

"Go ahead," he said then I felt him place a light kiss to my temple.

"When I was twelve I found out I was adopted. After my parents had my brother my mum found out she couldn't have any more children so they decided to adopt. It was going to take way too long adopting in Australia so I was adopted from America. My parents were fifteen when I was born so they thought it was right to give me up. My birth mum named me Brooklyn because there's a Brooklyn in both America and in New South Whales so my two homes were meshed into my name. After I was told I tried so hard to find who I was again but nothing fit me. I went from the nerd, to the tomboy, to the sporty girl, to the girly girl who was popular, to the emo then ended school as the grunge girl who had only ever had two friends. 

After I merged into my emo stage I met these two guys and we became really close. They were closet gay but one of the jerk jocks found them making out outside of school one day and they got bullied so bad they both moved to opposite ends of Australia. After that no one wanted to talk to me unless it was throwing insults. I started cutting when I was only thirteen and I've only cut my wrists once, the rest is the stomach. I couldn't sleep properly at night because of the bullying and when I was fourteen I was diagnosed with insomnia and had to start taking sleeping pills if I wanted to sleep. My Nanna died when I was fourteen, just before I was diagnosed and I've found out my Pop has cancer and probably won't live until I get back. He's the only person I can confide in and he'll be gone soon. I've tried finding who my real parents are but with my adoptive parents they just brush it under the rug and act like it never happened. My Pop left me an address on the card she gave me and I can't shake the feeling that it's their address," I said then let out a deep breath.

He didn't utter a word; he just tightened his grip on me. After a while I was starting to get worried so I turned and propped myself up on my elbow.

"Please say something," I quietly begged.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted.

"Oh," I said and hung my head.

"Hey," he hushed and pulled me into his chest.

"I screwed this up didn't I?" I sobbed.

"Not at all," he whispered.

"I just feel like I screw everything up Luke. I attempted suicide two days before my graduation, I've destroyed my body, I'm always anxious that I'm going to say or do something wrong, someone tries to get close and I try to open up I just shut them out and the voices won't leave me alone. It's just an endless nightmare I can't wake up from"

"You've opened up to me...that's a start"

"Give it time"

"I won't let you shut me out"

"I stopped fearing the monsters under my bed when I realized they were inside my head," I let out and looked up at Luke.

"I know the feeling," he told me and I furrowed my eyebrows together.

"What do you mean?" he just sat up and started taking all his bracelets off.

I straddled his legs just above his knees so I could see what he wanted to show me. He reached up and turned the light above my bed on and there they were. A mess of scars cluttered both his wrists. I held them closer to my face so I could get a better look.

"When?" I asked quietly.

"I was fifteen, just before Michael started the band. I wasn't like all the guys at my school. I wasn't into lifting weights and having a girlfriend. I was quite skinny and wasn't really buff like most of the other guys. I kept comparing myself to them so I became very unhappy but I hid it. You're the only one who knows now," he seemed to be taken aback when I placed kisses to both wrists.

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." I recited and he gave me a strange look. "I used that quote in one of my senior projects," I smiled and he just nod. "You're strong," I told him as I started slipping his wristbands back on for him.

"I'm really not," he replied.

"Anyone who has gone through something like that and has kept it to themselves for that long is strong. You are strong Luke and I admire you for it," I smiled then after all his wristbands were on I kissed the top of his hand.

I hadn't an idea what to do next so I just sat there awkwardly with my head down and my cheeks tinted with red. I felt his soft fingers skim along my cheek so I looked up at him.

"They're idiots," he told me his gaze locking with mine.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Your parents, they're idiots. I have never met someone so caring and lovely as you. If I was to show this to any other girl I know they would probably just shrug it off or tell me it was wrong to do it...but not you. You're different in the most amazing way and you understand, you care. So you disserve to be happy, not to anxious, to not have to feel like you need to push people away or shut them out, to be free of those voices putting you down and to not feel like you screw everything up...because you don't. You are more amazing then you will ever realize," he told me and I sat there just looking into his eyes. "Please say something," he told me after I was silent.

"I don't know what to say," I told him with a half-smile. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug, "thank you," I whispered.

I pulled back and ran my fingers through his messy hair with a smile. My smile slowly dropped as I looked at his lips. My eyes traveled back up until we made eye contact once again. I gripped his hair lightly and started leaning in really slowly. I felt his hands slide onto my waist and when our lips were about an inch apart I stopped.

"You sure?" Luke whispered, his warm breath fanning over my lips.

"You're making it sound like we're about to have sex," I laughed slightly.

"Your first kiss is a big deal"

"Just don't complain if I'm shit," I laughed and he closed the gap.