Chapter 38- Cutter's Lullaby

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Go to sleep and close your eyes

And dream of broken butterflies

Silver metal shine so bright

Scarlet blood that feels so right

Dream of that blood trickling down

And wake up just before you drown

The moonlight shining off your tears

As you bleed out your worst fears

I tapped my fingers against the metal table in boredom as we waisted for our food. I let out a deep sigh as we all sat quietly.

“Can you please stop?” Luke snapped rather harshly. “It’s annoying the crap out of me,” I let my hands fall to my lap and put my head down. 

It fell silent again and all I could hear was breathing and the chatter of others. My phone buzzed from my backpack and I shot to grab it. I felt a set of eyes on me and when I turned to look I saw it was Luke. I shrugged it off and grabbed out the device.

Other Half

Can you please tell your boyfriend I said happy birthday?

Sure thing

“Emilia said happy birthday,” I mumbled.

“Thanks,” was all he said before getting out his phone.

He said thanks. I really don’t know what’s gotten into him. He was fine this morning and now he’s being a dick

What happened this morning?

IDK. We were getting quite “close” but I couldn’t do it. Then we had a mini bickering sesh but it was fine after that. Now he’s in a pissy mood.

Have you asked him?

I’m at the table with the guys and it’s silent. There’s so much tension you couldn’t even cut it with a butchers knife.

Shit!

“Brooklyn,” Calum called and I looked up.

“Sorry what?”

“Food,” he said and I looked at the table in front of me to see my plate.

“Oh sorry,” I said with an awkward laugh.

“What did Emilia want?” Luke asked after a while.

“We were just talking about her mum and stuff,” I shrugged.

“I know when you’re lying Brooklyn,” he told me.

“Why are you in such a bad mood? Is it because of this morning or something?”

“No”

“Then what?” I asked and we all looked at him. He rubbed his face and let out what sounded like a sob, “you’re not crying are you?”

“No you’re just really pissing me off Brooklyn,” he said and looked at me.

“Fine,” I said sadly and stood up.

“You guys can hang out and I’ll go back to the house. Have fun,” I said and walked out.

I got much protest from the other guys but I just shut them out. Once I got back I raced straight up to Luke’s and my room before grabbing out what I’d been hiding. I plugged my phone into the dock and played Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade. I placed a towel on my lap and laid my left forearm on it before me. I brought the metal up to my skin and was about to start when I thought about how I was going to wrap it up.

I pulled out a bunch of cotton sheets and two bandages from the first aid box and leant back against the tub. I set everything back up and before I could think about it I was already bleeding. I was hunched forward as I cried and cut line after line. Once up to just below my armpit was shredded I dabbed it dry with the towel and started on the other arm, damaging it just the same. I didn’t bother covering them as I cried even more. I just let them bleed some more until I had no more tears left to cry. By then they had stopped bleeding so I just wiped off the dry blood and covered them with the bandages.

I slipped my black cardigan and laid in the bed. I’d pulled my phone off the dock and plugged my headphone in instead. I had I Feel Pretty/ Unpretty playing and I felt myself start to cry again. I hugged Luke’s pillow lightly otherwise my cuts would start hurting. The music cut off and the ring tone I’d set for Ash started playing. 

“Hey Ash,” I said then sniffled.

“Brooklyn are you crying?” he asked, concern prominent in his voice.

“Just a little,” I lied with a small laugh.

“What happened between you and Luke? He wont tell us”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he’d be mad at me because I didn’t want to go any further with him but I can’t be sure,” I told him and wiped my nose with the sleeve of my cardigan.

“Well we’re going to a bar tonight. Want to come?”

“I’m underage,” I reminded him.

“You’ll get in if you’re with us”

“I think I’m just going to stay here and watch some movies and stuff. Thanks anyway Ash”

“If you’re sure?”

“He obviously doesn’t want me there so I’ll just stay out of the way. Bye Ash”

“Bye babe”

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