Disasterology ✞Luke Hemmings✞

Chapter 1- So Cold

Oh, you can hear me cry

See my dreams all die

From where you're standing

On your own.

It's so quiet here

And I feel so cold

This house no longer

Feels like home.

I let out a heavy sob as I fumbled with my keys. I finally got the bent key all the way into the lock and opened both the doors. I threw my bag next to the door along with my shoes and as I walked up to my room I left a trail of water droplets. Just stick it out Brooklyn you graduate in two days anyway. Then, you'll never have to see them ever again. Two days is too long. Don't do it. Do it. I slammed my bedroom door shut and started banging my head against the wall.

"Stupid", bang, "worthless", bang, "ugly", bang, "FAKE!" that was the hardest bang of them all.

I rummaged through my wardrobe and found what I was looking for. I then set my clothes on the bench as I went back to collect my treasure. As I walked to my bathroom I stripped off my wet uniform and turned the dials to cold. I felt dirty; I don't know why I just...did. I began clawing at my skin trying to become 'clean'. I let out exasperated screams because the feeling wouldn't go away. I knelt down as the icy water ran over my body. 

They hate you Brooklyn, it's time to stop trying to please everyone. No one's ever happy with what you do. Get a B, should have been an A. learn guitar, should have been piano. Like Nirvana, should have been One Direction. Face it Brooklyn, your life's not worth living. You had your fucking head shoved in a toilet today, you haven't been asked to the formal, you've never been kissed; just do it honey. 

I ran my nails up and down my back as heavy sobs left my mouth. I then slid them down my sides and across my stomach. I grabbed the cold and wet metal from the corner of the shower and stood up straight. Line after line, drop after drop. I watched as the red was dragged down the drain by the clear liquid. I held the shiny surface up and I could see my fragmented reflection in it. I then did something I'd never done; I dragged the sharp edge across my right cheek. It stung for a few seconds as the water washed it out but I got used to it. The sudden feeling of dirtiness returned and I screamed as I clawed at myself again.

Once I realized that the feeling would never go away I turned off the cold water and wrapped a towel around my body. I stared at my exhausted reflection for at least five minutes until I dried off and got dressed. I struggled with my skin-tight, black, skinny jeans but everything else went fine. My Nirvana tee had been worn so much it was faded and ripped in a few places but I didn't care. I threw my cardigan on and slipped on my black vans then grabbed a hair tie. I threw my hand into a messy bun as Lithium by Nirvana blasted through my ear buds. (There you happy now?)

I then ran down into the kitchen grabbing the big strawberry Freddo Frog I had stashed in the back of the fridge. I locked the house back up and started my two-kilometer walk to the train station. I couldn't be in that house any longer; it brought back too many painful memories. I watched the happy children running around and playing with one another in the street. They're so young, so naive.

"Excuse me miss," a tiny voice interrupted.

"Yes?" I asked the little girl.

"What happened to your cheek?"

"My cat did it" I lied.

"Ok," she smiled then ran off.

I kept walking and soon reached my destination. All I heard was "...on platform one in approximately two minutes. Please wait behind the yellow safety line, until the train has stopped". I slowly took a step onto the platform and by now I was breathing heavily and tears were streaming down my face. I took my ear buds out but kept playing the music then gently placed them on the ground near the wall. I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked over to see a boy already looking at me. He had a black hoodie on only allowing me to see some of his face. I slowly shuffled closer to the yellow line and once I hit it I saw that the train was almost at the station. I took two more steps and my toes were off the edge. I counted down in my head as I took my last deep breaths.