The Descendants Series Vol. 2

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I didn’t take but a couple of bites on the food on the plate until I pushed it away from me and stood up.  I walked out into the hallway – after changing in to my pajamas because I didn’t want to stay in all my clothes – and past Kade’s room toward the double doors leading to a balcony on the side of the house. 

When I stepped out into the cool night, there was a chair with a blanket draped over it, so I sat down and covered up.  Since I had slept all day, I felt like it would be days before I’d be able to get to sleep again.  I didn’t feel tired at all and I knew it was going to be a long night and there was way too much stuff on my mind for me to think about.

So Rowan knew I was alive now and she wanted to break me out.  And then there was the look on her face when she watched me kill Keenan, an expression that I never wanted to see on her face again when she was looking at me.  But she had been looking at me like that.  I was just wondering now what she really thought of me.  Would she be calling me a monster?  Well, she did say that.  A murderer then?  Just like she did when Kade killed me?

I didn’t realize there were tears running down my face until I felt one fall on my arm.  But once I knew I was crying, I wanted to stop, only that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. 

I’d been holding in everything for such a long time that it was finally wanting out.  And I couldn’t stop it.  Before I knew it, I was sobbing into the blanket and curled up in the chair.  Images of my life before were coming back at me full force.  I grabbed hold of my necklace, hoping it could calm me somewhat, but it didn’t do anything.

Everything with Rowan, before and after we’d known about each other.  I’d always known that something had been missing from my life before I found out about her.  And once I did find her, I felt whole again.  It had felt like we hadn’t been separated for our entire lives at all. 

Grandma and Lyric were the next two people I cried for.  The two of them had been with me through everything.  Lyric was the one I had to be there for and it was hard to think about her thinking that I was gone from her forever.  She never wanted me to leave her.  Grandma was the one who had been there for me.  She was the one who had held me when I cried, listened to me even when I was yelling because I’d kept everything in for too long.  She was the one that was there for me always, no matter what happened.

Nash was the same.  Even though he’d messed up quite a few things when we’d just met each other, we’d grown into being really great friends, even more than friends at times.  He was the person I could talk to about things that I couldn’t talk to anyone else about.

I thought about Keenan, even though I never wanted to think about what had happened with him again.  When I had killed him, I’d officially turned into what the Directrix wanted me to be.  A monster, just like Rowan said.  But monsters didn’t care who they hurt, so why did I?  Every time that I’d seen Keenan before, he’d been so kind.  And if he’d known someone was out for him, why didn’t he try and run somewhere before I got there?  Maybe then he would have still been alive.

And then there was Kade.

Kade, who I didn’t want to have to see anymore.  Right then, I really wished he had died that day at Division Twelve.  It would have been a lot easier for me if he had been.  I knew now that I would have been able to get past my grief for him, moved on with someone else.  And that someone else would have been Nash.  But then he came back into my life, even though I’d thought he was dead for over a year and a half. 

But then there was also what happened the night before, when Kade had found me in the woods, throwing my knives.  Now that I could go back over what was said in that time, I didn’t want to believe what he had been saying.  I knew there was still something between us.  Why would Roth say that he’d been in the room every day where they’d had me for three months?  Why was he the one to design my tattoo and not Slayter or someone else?  Why did he look at me with that intense stare that he had those few times?  There were too many questions that would never be answered.