Iceland's Diary: It Began In Summer

Monday, January 23

Dear Diary:

Hey

So like

You may be wondering why I didn't write anything for like the past days... weeks... Or maybe not

It's actually an interesting story

You see,  after New Years (which was bullshit) came January 1st. Then,  January 2nd. After that,  January 3rd,  the day in which our tragic story begins

Finland was making pork chop sandwiches for us all,  our favorite type of sandwich. We were all very hungry and impatient.  But Norway was so impatient,  that he chocked on his coffee and we were all s h o c k e d

Finland was so shocked,  that he didn't see the whole kitchen bursting into flames. We were even more shocked

To be honest,  that wasn't great AT ALL

We all ran outta the house like one of those cheap action movies in slow motion...

But wait....

Finland suddenly went all crazy mode cuz "Hanatamago was still inside"

To be honest,  I really didn't think any of us would go back inside just to rescue a stupid dog.  I didn't worry about Mr. Puffin because he's him.  Like,  come on. Mr. Puffin is capable of saving his own ass

Norway was like "Nope,  nope,  nope"  and just left,  Sweden was like "o shit this is too dangerous how bout no"  and I really didn't give a fuck about it. Suddenly,  Denmark turned to us and said "Don't worry guys! I'll go back inside and rescue Hana! I'll be the hero,  don't you guys worry!"

We all laughed because that was stupid and we didn't think he'd do it

But he did

Minutes later,  Hana walked out with Mr. Puffin on her back...

But Denmark didn't

He never did

Ok,  I admit that was pretty depressing shit but idk

MOVING ON-

We were all so sad and depressed

And we got another house.  A really shitty one,  if I may add

A week passed and I was like,  totally not ok so I decided to do something with my depression.  But what? At the moment,  I had no idea, but while having breakfast and staring at a box of cereal,  I found my inspiration

Music

I grabbed my phone and called my fren bud partner thing and was like

"Hey,  wanna play music?"

and he said

"sure"

So we got together on a Friday and bought some instruments or something.  Hong Kong played the drums because that looked totally cool and I sang....... sorta,  and played the keyboard because everybody loves keyboards

Everything went wonderful and we even got famous and made lots of money

Yay

We made a bunch of cool songs like "Bathroom Faucet",  "Bushes",  "Car Door"  and made a cover of a super depressing song

For some reason,  things started going bad after a while and I decided that music maybe wasn't my thing... so I decided to start a YouTube channel

I called it "IceisNotonCrack" and Hong Kong also started his own and called it "TheIncredibleMe"  We got very popular as well

People thought we were gay but we were like "Nah"  even though it was 300% true but screw them,  they'll never know the truth

We also went on tour and made up a song about WiFi.  It got awfully popular for about a week or so. I have no idea

Things started getting a bit too much for me so we decided to quit and do something else

I also forgot to mention that Norway died

So did Sweden and Finland

A gorilla murdered them.  We had to kill the gorilla

R.I.P Mermalade the Gorrilla

Then I don't know what happened but me and Hong Kong were swming or something and we died

But we didn't really die completely because we sorta randomly appeared in a small restaurant

This waiter guy walked up to us and was like

"Hello, and welcome.  Now that you're here,  you guys gotta play a game to decide who the fuck goes to heaven or hell"

"Are we dead?"

".... shit,  I fucked up"

So we played checkers but if we took more than three seconds to move,  the other would get electrocuted

Hong Kong won, sadly

But he went to hell because the guy was racist

I was reborn in a world where everyone is born with these things called  "talents"  which are like super powers. But guess what,  even in another reincarnation I was complete shit and was born without any

So I murdered my parents and ran away

Soon after,  a zombie apocalypse began.  Everyone died except me because I'm amazing

That's why I haven't been writing anything

It's totally not because I forgot

There you go

-Me