It holds everything, my whole existence
yet I don't even know shit about it
and all I'd like is a glimpse,
just one look inside, a peek,
so I don't have to go insane,
completely insane about it all.
The shit that goes on in my head
is a miracle waiting to happen
because that's what it'll take
if this is really gonna happen.
I have a small chance at best,
probably none at all actually.
I just hope I'll make it in the end.
What do I really know for certain?
Nothing.
What do I think is going to happen?
Well...
She probably won't be there
even though I believe she will
because why would she saty with me?
I'm going to have nothing at all
and why would she want nothing?
Fuck, but I see her being there
because I could not picture
anyone else but only her
with me, being there.
I see nothing but blackness
clouding anything that leads me
to any conclusion about all of this.
This is probably because there's no such thing
as any sort of solution being there.
I'll be all alone, left in the dark, the cold
and no one will ever care about me then
because I'll just be another piece of trash.
No one will acknowledge me or help me
because I'm a hopeless, lost cause.
You think that I'll be going to college?
I just don't see that happening.
With all the shit that I do
and all the bad grades that I get,
how the fuck am I supposed to get into college?
I won't, and I've given up now,
there's no use in trying at something
that will never actually happen.
I know that my parents will kick me out
when they find out my decision
and then I'll be completely fucked,
my life will be over.
I don't know what to do
but it's not like I ever did.
In any case I have some time
before all of this shit becomes reality
so I'll just live it all up
because that's all I can do now.
No one can write the future for me
and I won't know it until I'm in it
and that's what really fucking scares me,
what causes my nightmares and sleepless nights,
I'm completely terrified
and I'll never know what to do,
with this completely fucked life,
I'll never make up my mind.
The one thing I'm absolutely, completely certain about...
is her.
