hotel room 108 [narry au]

back to the future

THIS IS ALL FOR AWHILE UNTIL THE LAST 3 CHAPTERS ARE WRITTEN!
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chapter fifty-two

N.J.H.
Everything suddenly caught up to me. The wedding, a knot being tied, everything just...exploded. right in front of my eyes. And then I couldn't take it.

The confidence I had in my relationship with Harry suddenly feels so fragile and breakable. It's something about this wedding that makes me feel this uncertainty that he's going to pull out before ours. Love can be so beautiful and frightening all at once and I don't know how to act when things go south.

It's here when I realize that I was never in love with Tiffany. I let myself go along thinking that, but now I know what real love feels like. The thought of losing Harry, let alone the reality of it, is scaring me shitless. I feel my stomach churning and my heart pounding and suddenly my concern and doubt is turning against me.

Harry might leave me because I'm scared.

When we first met, he managed to coax the cold feeling right out of me. His mystery kept me at ease, the way you just never knew with him, so there was no point in stressing yourself to find out. But now that he's an open book, everything he says or does is up for judgement.

How could a man propose to me after half a year? That's what I really want to know I suppose; how one person managed to fall completely and utterly in love with me within such a short period of time. And now it's marriage, kids, everything that leads to the future, a family. Life after all the fun is over, it's coming so quickly.

"Niall!"

The water hits my feet and I cringe from the cold and Harry's loud voice, knowing that the rehearsal is over and he's coming to look for me. I feel the waves crashing against the cuffs of my jeans and when I see him closer I turn away from him,

"Harry no--"

"Niall what the hell is going on with you?!"

"I--"

"Wait."

Harry steps in front of me, gripping my shoulders and looking me dead in the eye,

"Don't avoid the question. Answer me directly."

My tears begin to well up and he's falling apart as he holds me, probably feeling so lost and confused as to why I could be crying in the middle of this beautiful evening.

"I don't want you to leave me because I want to adopt and be left alone to die alone without anyone to love because once you've had your spin around with me and we don't have a spark anymore you'll just leave and I don't want you to leave!"

My words come out incoherent but I'm almost positive that Harry understood what I was trying to say to him because he looks at me in disbelief once I'm done.

"This again?"

"Don't say that," I squeak, "it never leaves, it's always there! That you're going to leave me in the future--"

"Niall."

"--because I want kids one day and--"

"Niall! I love you! Shut your fucking mouth and listen to me!"

I shut up almost immediately and he sighs, running his hand through his hair,

"Everything you've said has pertained to the future."

I nod, wiping my tears away from my eyes,

"Have you ever watched Back to the Future?"

Knowing I haven't, I shake my head and he chuckles,

"That's something we're definitely doing," he continues, "but listen, it's simple time travel rules. If you go to the future, you can't change anything. You know why?"

"Because you'll mess up the time period you currently live in," I answer, and he nods.

"Right." Harry bites his lip, looking right into my watery eyes, "Niall, you can't--babe, you can't try and bend the future to your favor. You're gonna mess up what's happening right in front of you. You can't determine where I'll be in the future, but if you try to make it that way, I'm sorry to say it, but you may just lose me. You can't try to change your own life; that's not how time works. If you try to play a game with time, time most always wins."

He takes both of my hands and pecks my lips softly,

"I'm here, right now. And I love you. I love you more than this incredible sunset that happens to be occurring behind us as we have this conversation..."

We both laugh and he squeezes my hand in his,

"I love that fucking laugh I hear almost every second of the day, and seeing you smile whenever you're happy. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that I hate a lot less things now."

"Oh right," I smile, "your hate fest."

"Yeah," he rants on, "I love waking up because you're always right next to me, falling asleep because you're usually right there cuddled into my side. Eating because you're usually making that stupid silly face you make whenever you get food--"

"Oh shut up!" I say, feeling a bit better,

"Your eyes whenever you're happy because they sparkle a bright blue, like the sky on a sunny day, and even when you're horny they turn like a dark blue. It gives you an edge to your already mysteriously beautiful complexion."

"Oh my god," I'm blushing by now, trying to cover my face but he keeps uncovering it himself,

"I. Love. You."

He makes me look directly into his pleading eyes before speaking again,

"I love you Niall James Horan. Did you hear me? I love you, I have loved you, and I will love you 'till the end of my days. I will marry you. You will be my husband, and you will never doubt my love for you ever again."

"You know I can't keep that promise..." I whisper, fiddling with his fingers, "I love you too, but I can't help the things that come across my mind--"

"Then do me a favor and take my advice; promise me for the present, not the future."

"Because the present affects the future."

"Exactly."

I bite my lip, looking up at him before the words leave my lips,

"I presently promise."

"I presently promise too."