Someone to save me | Harry Potter

Chapter Forty-Three

Draco tasted like licorice. He had a tendency to binge eat red licorice wands when he was reading late at night. The taste of his lips on mine was welcoming, and comforting after the ordeal I had dealt with with Harry. Harry. I pushed that raven haired bastard out of my mind in this moment, and focused on the other man I loved in my life, Draco. Two years ago I never in my life would have thought my life would be this way. Two years ago I was a normal teenage girl who loved to play quiditch, and made decent marks in school and my biggest worry was how I would tell my Mother I broke my arm for the fifteenth time jumping off the roof with my older Brother. 

Now here I am, A death eater, a social pariah around the school when I was once loved by so many. I had a mark on my skin that prevented me from running like I wanted to do on every day of the week, and my family and friends had no idea of the true horror of a life I was now living. And I never thought it was possible for someone else to break me. Voldemort couldn't break me, he couldn't make a dent, so why was it that Harry could? Why was it that Harry's words hurt me more than any other trauma I have been through? I guess that's love. And it's something I wish I could rid from my life. 

Draco's hands ran tenderly through my light brown hair, my hands fiddling unknowingly with the top of his waist band on his sweats. I knew I shouldn't have, but I was comparing the two passion filled kisses of my evening. Harry's was unexpected, and something I had been wanting for years. It was like my wish of getting what I wanted came true the moment Harry told me he loved me. But all my dreams of being with him were ripped away, ripped away because Harry was a coward and was pushing me away for no reason. I know maybe one day his reasoning would make sense, but right now I just wanted to kick him where the sun didn't shine.

Draco however, was my comfort. Just like he has been since I was taken last year. He was familiar to me since we had dated before. But now, those feelings were multiplied exponentially. Being in Draco's arms was like home to me, and a feeling I needed in these troubled days. I wasn't lying when I said I loved Draco, because it's the honest truth. But I love him in such a different way than Harry, I would kill for them both, die for them both, and I never thought it was possible for me to love two people so completely, but I do. But the reality of it all was that I would probably be killed before I could truly be with either of them, my happiness wasn't on the top of Voldemort's to-do list. 

It took me several moments to realize I was now laying on Draco's bed, my top tossed across the room and Draco's lips kissing down my neck. I was enjoying it more than I wanted to admit, but I knew we shouldn't be doing this. Yes I love him, but I'm not ready for this. "Draco?" I whispered into his ear that was resting directly by my lips. "Yes Ali?" He grunted before kissing just above my collarbone. 

"Stop." I said hesitantly, battling with myself between my self respect and how good his lips felt on my skin. Draco immediately pulled away, looking at my eyes with worry. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you or anything?" I inwardly chuckled that Draco actually thought he had a chance of physically hurting me after everything he was witnessed me go through. 

I shook my head. "No, not that. We just can't do this." I told him, peeling my eyes away from his intimidating grey ones. Draco sighed before resting his head on top of mine "I understand. And regardless this was far better than what I had planned for this evening." He said with a chuckle that blew through my hair. 

"What? Licorice and reading quiditch through the ages for the hundredth time?" I said with a smile that I knew he couldn't see. He nodded his head against mine before wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into his side. I was shocked that the two of us could fit comfortably in his twin sized bed. 

"Tell me what happened Ali." He whispered before gently kissing the side of my head. I rolled over so i could face him properly, and pushed some of his long hair out of his face. "He told me everything I wanted to hear." I said sadly, my eyes tearing up at the memory. One lone tear escaped that Draco quickly wiped away with the pad of his thumb.

"Than what's the matter?"

"He told me everything I wanted to hear, before telling me he wanted nothing to do with me." I sighed. Draco closed his eyes and I could feel his body tensing next to me. He was mad. He was mad and he was trying to control it. I knew Draco better than most at this point, and his protectiveness over me mirrored mine for him. 

"I'd curse Potter into the ground if he didn't mean so much to you." Draco said, his grey eyes finally opening to look at me. I smiled sadly and kissed his cheek. "You love him. I know you do." Draco said, resentment full in his voice. 

"I do." I nodded my head "But I love you too." 

Draco's eyes widened before they closed and his head fell down to mine. He shook it frantically and mumbled incoherently for several moments. "You can't Ali. You can't love me." Draco's voice was pained, I could hear the tears that were evident in his voice. 

I grabbed his face between my smaller hands and tried to calm him down. "I'm bad Ali. I'm a bad person, and you deserve so much more." Draco said, with eyes still closed. 

"Look at me, Draco." I said softly. He didn't. 

"Now." I had to practically growl at him to get him to open his damn eyes. I wiped away the tears that were flowing down his cheeks before kissing him softly on the lips. 

"You are not bad, do you hear me? You are a beautiful human being who happened to be born into the wrong family. You haven't wanted a thing that has happened to you, and that mark on your arm? I have the same one. You are my best friend Draco, I need you. I need you so badly in my life that knowing you are here makes all of this crap we are going through easier to deal with. Anyone that doesn't like our friendship can go to hell, because I couldn't imagine my life without Draco Malfoy in it. " By this point, tears are rolling down my face as well, and Draco was now sobbing beside me. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me, he buried his head into the crook of my neck and I could feel the tears pooling on my shoulder. But I didn't mind, I needed him to know he was wanted in this world. A world where he has seen more terror than most. 

"I've always loved you Ali. Even though I didn't want to." Draco said when he finally calmed down. "I didn't want to have another person that could potentially break me." 

"Love is a bitch." I mumbled. Draco snorted what I thought was a laugh before responding "You said it." 

Draco and I fell asleep wrapped up in our tangled arms, my shirt still tossed across the room. There was no talk of a relationship, or rekindling what we had before. Our friendship would stay the same, because we needed it to.  Where I wanted Harry, I needed Draco, and that was where my love for the two boys was different. And I knew it wouldn't be until myself or Voldemort died where I would need to decide between what my heart needed, and what it really wanted.