My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

5/23/11

I really need to stop crying so much. But after months of being so apathetic to everything, I just can't stop the tears.

Have you all hear the song "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw?

I have just discovered that everytime I listen to it I cry my eyes out.

My dad really screwed us over. There is so much he's taken from us, whole years of our lives where we had to grow up and take care of ourselves. He never even wanted kids in the first place. He resented us.

He lives just minutes away, and hasn't seen us in nearly seven years now. That really doesn't make me feel too good about myself.

Also, happy birthday to me! Well, not today, because that would run the anonymity of the story, but it was recently. I am fifteen now. That means everyone should stay off the roads. Seriously, I'm going to be the worst driver ever.

I don't know how to feel. It's another realization of how much time has passed. It really scares me when time passes, because I'm scared of change, and of not accomplishing anything. I feel slightly like this past year has been a waste. But more on that later.

I'm so scared that every moment I sit in my room alone is wasted time. I'm going to go crazy. I'm so scared. I already feel restless.

And now I have to sit here on the phone with F5 and pretend I wasn't just sobbing. What's wrong with me?

On another, more bittersweet note, today was my last day of freshman year.

You all have pretty much gone through this year with me, right? So do you think it's wrong that I actually loved this year? I'm sad to see it end. This has been the best year so far. Considering my past posts, that's pretty pathetic, isn't it? But I really am going to miss this year.

I really hope next year is ok, because if it isn't, I'm going to be even more upset than ever.

So how are you guys dealing with the end of school? Or other events, if you're already out of school?

I need a distraction.

I have a headache. That's what I get for crying. And I don't think it's over. I can still feel the tears lurking behind my eyes.

So, onto bigger and better things!

Actinconverse has been spreading the word about this little project I'm running.

There is a website called "A Little Bit of Scarlet", which is sort o like a blog, from what i can tell. I read a lot of the posts, and they are really interesting. She seems like a very real person, which isn't common anymore.

From what I've gathered, actinconverse sent her an email about this story, and she read it and wrote a sort of review for it. I really liked her analyzation. It made me think again about how many people out there are truly happy. I really hope that not everyone feels this way...

Anyway, I felt really honored by it. It made me feel really special, which is something I need. I haven't been feeling very good about myself recently.

So actinconverse, thank you so much for all of your support! It's nice to have such caring people :)

And Scarlet, if you are reading, then thank you as well! I appreciate your thoughts, and I hope you were not disappointed by my story, and if you keep reading, then I hope I continue to improve! I really like your posts, and will continue to read your website :)

I feel like I haven't done it justice, because her post was so long, but I'm so tired, so can you forgive me?

Also, there was a comment on my last post, but I forgot the name! I'm so sorry! So to that nice person, thank you, and I'm going to try really really hard to remember next time!

I feel slightly better. My tears have temporarily subsided, and I'm half asleep now.

I suddenly had the thought that anyone who happens upon this story and starts reading frm this chapter would be really confused, and probably creeped out. Oh well. Hello readers, old and new; I love you all. Thank you so much for being here.

Goodnight everyone.