My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

12/4/11

This is such familiar territory for me. I love it.

So I want to start by thanking anyone who finds this and decides to read it. I don't know why, I'm just in a thankful mood.

A few things have been happening. There are two things in particular I want to mention, both continuations of previous plotlines, if such terms apply to real life.

The first is the more trivial. Friday in theatre class we were playing games. Only two people could play at a time. Keep in mind, it's a fairly small class, but it's also really short, and we started the game about halfway through. So the teacher started calling pairs, and of course S is one of the first to play. I made a comment about how S was always chosen before me, but no one really listened to me, as usual. So the game foes on and I keep volunteering but she never calls on me, and the class ends before I can go. And I found it completely ridiculous, because not only does she choose the same people everytime, but they can't even play the games well! I've seen enough Whose Line to know how to play improv games, as shown by the fact that S's performance was one of the best.( For those of you unfamiliar with Whose Line is it Anyway, it's an improv game show borrowed from the British that ran in the early 2000s. And it was awesome.)

So it's kind of disheartening being left out. Even though I'm sure it isn't intentional, it discourages me from participating when I do have the chance. I never had the courage to play at all before this year, but none of this is really helping. It's actually counterproductive.

On the plus side, my duet scene went well. Did I ever tell you about that? I had to do a scene with this guy I didn't really know, and it was tough at times, especially since some of my friends made some rude comments about his work ethic that I felt bad about, but it ended up being pretty good. We haven't gotten our grade back, but I think it went well. I'm proud of myself for being able to work with Someone new, and I'm proud of both of us for not forgetting any lines or blocking.

Speaking of which, you know that girl who used to be friends with S until they got in a fight last year? I may have called her V2. Well, she and her partner forgot there lines in the middle of the scene. It was dead silent for a few minutes, and they tried to get it going again, but they ended up having to stop. Everyone felt really bad for them. I did too, especially since she's been nicer recently.

Why does so much of my drama revolve around this class. (It's drama class. I swear that pun was not intended.)

The second thing I wanted to talk about is F8. I think she's been getting worse. I can see so many of my own feeling behind her words, though she has a different reason, and she isn't afraid to show it. She wore a journal as well. She let me read it. I'm really worried about her, now more than ever. She wrote about how she would kill herself if she were ever to do it, which is a bad sign. Also, she has scratches on her hands. She says it's because she scratched them too roughly. Then at lunch she took the plastic lid of a water bottle and started scratching herself agin until it almost bled.

(Is it bad that my first thoughts were, "Why am I not strong enough to do that to myself?" and "Why didn't I think of that?" ?)

However, I know I can't help her. She's already told me she won't accept anyone's help. One of our teachers told her that she was concerned about her, and she laughed it off. But I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I feel so helpless. And that is exactly why I suffer in silence. I don't want anyone else to feel helpless.

She said no one would really care if she died; I wish I could tell her exactly how much it would hurt me if that happened, not just because she's my friend, but because I don't want to see what these feelings can turn in to.

But I should really stop making this about me. I'm so close-minded sometimes.

In other news, our mom is considering talking to the school counselor about V1. He has legitimately become a bully. But no one cares because he doesn't physically hurt anyone. But he is past the point of annoying. Every time he calls someone an idiot he could be permanately damaging their self image. And it might sound mushy, but it's a serious problem. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Anyway, S told her not to do it. She doesn't want to cause a fuss.

There isn't much else to say. Exams are coming up. As nervous as I am for the change in classes next semester, I'm ready for these next two weeks to be over our teachers are killing us with work.

Oh, and it snowed here a few days ago. First time in years it has snowed here in November, and we didn't even get off school.

Anyway, I'm off to do homework and try to distract myself from the impending episode of depression that is starting to creep in. I can feel it. It's gonna be really bad this time, so I hope my writing can help me through it. Wish me luck.

Thank you all for reading and being supportive. It's so, so wonderful.

Thanks.

Goodbye.

"Life flies by, so you have to embrace it, forget the past cause you can not erase it. Live your dream, and learn to chase it. When you can almost taste it, it's all come alive." -You're Making it Come Alive, My Favorite Highway.