My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

12/8/10

I have tons of homework but I need to talk, and all of my friends just keep telling me I'm wrong, so you all are going to help me. Hopefully.

So at lunch I have a place where I normally sit with three of my friends, and I'm usually happy and somewhat talkative at lunch. But recently this other girl has been sitting with us. She's friends with one of my friends. I don't know her, but all of my other friends do.

When we were at lunch today they all talked to her and laughed and all that, but I felt so left out. It's a terrible feeling to be left out of a group of people you thought were your friends. I just got past the feeling of being uncomfortable and left out all the time that was left over from last year when I didn't have a group of friends. And I know what's gonna happen now. They are gonna make room for her and push me away.

I'm not comfortable around her. I don't even know her name. And all of my friends are gonna push me out for her. I'm crying now because I feel like I finally had a few friends, a group that was mine, and now it's gone because I can't be myself around that girl. I'm so sick and tired of.being lonely!

And everytime I tell someone that I don't like her being there they just say that I'm being selfish and that I should think about how she feels. She has friends! Who do you think she's been sitting with for the past 5 months? And I've been in that position. No one ever accepted me. I was still left alone. I didn't have any other friends to go sit with.

I'm just so mad. Also she took my seat at the table, which makes me feel completely worthless and replaceable. I feel so alone.

Everyone thinks I'm being mean cuz I don't want her there, but I just know from experience that they are just going to abandon me, like they always do.

Help me. I hate crying. And I sound pathetic.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Goodbye