My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

11/25/11

This chapter comes in four parts: a lesson in psychology, emotional fears, a list of what I'm thankful for in true holiday spirit, and reflections on times past.

In Psychology class we are studying abnormal psychology.( Can I just mention how much I will miss this class next semester? I really wish it were a year long class. Also, while I'm on the topic of classes, I just found out that one of the girls in my creative writing class ( ironically, S's boyfriend's ex girlfriend) is going to be in my gym class, so I know that if nothing else I can just follow her around for a while. It's imperative to have friends in that class or you end up really bored. Anyway, back on track.) So last week we talked breifly about mood disorders. Here's what I learned:

- Bipolar disorder is not near as common as people think it is.

- There are organic and inorganic forms of depression; the organic form is caused by an imbalance of serotonin, and is called clinical depression, whereas the inorganic form is situational depression, and is caused by trauma or upsetting conditions.

- Antidepressants are actually fairly dangerous.

- Depression is actually relatively common.

- 10-20% of the U.S. Is affected by a mental disorder.

So I'm really not crazy.

Also, apparently, while it is possible to be born homosexual, for most people it is a choice. That's all the teacher would say on that topic.

Awkward transition into part two.

As I sat here wondering whether I should write something, I got this crazy fear that I'm sinking back down. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been doing a lot better recently. Besides the concerns about S and F8, I've been doing fairly well as far as regulating my mood. And that's the problem. It's been so long, which means if I fall again, I'm gonna fall really hard. And it's scaring me. I don't want to fall again, but I feel it coming. I just hope I can make it through the holidays. They always make me feel worse. I don't know why. I guess I just feel like I'm somehow missing out. All the days like holidays and birthdays make me upset, because if I miss somethingnor forget it, I have to wait a whole year until it comes back. It also shows just how much time has past. It scares me sometimes.

On to better things! Despite how long this year has been, I still have anlot to be thankful for, although this will probably bore you all. Here goes.

1. My amazing family. Although we've had our differences, I don't know here I would be without them. There's my mom, who takes such wonderful care of me; S, who gives me the strength to do things I could never do alone; my brothers, one of whom is always there for us, and the other who is in serious need of guidance; my grandmother, who I know tries her best despite the distance; my aunt and uncle, who show that they care in unconventional ways; and my puppies, who I love dearly.

2. My wonderful friends. I would be so lost with out them. F2, who I haven't seen in so long but has been there for me so many times in the past years; F3, who I really need to reconnect with; F4, who I miss so much and who gives the best hugs in the world; F5, who, though he needs help when it comes to emotions, is possibly the best guy friend a girl could ask for; F6, who I feel so connected to despite the fact that she is pretty enough to be so much more popular than anyone else in my group of friends; F7, who is one of our most reliable friends, and who I am eternally grateful to for letting us convince her to get involved with theatre; F8, who I wish would open up more; and a few unnamed friends, including a guy who brags a lot but is still, surprisingly, one of my best friends; a blonde girl and a blonde guy who sit with us in Spanish and have the potential to become close friends; the girl who did our Spanish project with us who is one of the biggest nerds ever; and a hipster girl who is so talented and smart.

3. The amazing opportunities I've been given. I have this chance to get a great education, and I was lucky enough to be born into a somewhat stable family. Despite all ofmy complaining, my life could've been so much worse in so many ways. I know I take a lot of things for granted.

4. This project of mine. I don't know where I would be without it. Unknown is like an alias to me now, the person I become when I'm alone and it's just myself and my thoughts. She's such a comfortable, familiar state of mind, even when she isn't in a good mood. :)

5. All of you! From the readers that read from the time there were only two chapters (are there any?) to the ones who read from the beginning but started late to the ones who have only read a few chapters to the ones starting now! I love you all, and I hope you can still at least like me, despite your knowledge of my inner workings. Thank you all so much. This whole thing is for you. (And me. But also for you :) )

Speaking of the beginning, I went back and read through a couple old chapters, as is a favorite hobby of mine when I'm on break, and I don't see why any of you tolerated that. I used to be pretty bad at this. I probably still am, but at least now I've kind of developed a style. Way back then it was very disjointed, and I had a lot of typos, more than I do now. And it's just so weird looking back, seeing how shocked I was at 700 reads, and look where I am now, although it still shocks me.

I'm fairly certain there was something else I wanted to say, but it slipped my mind.

F4 and F6 are coming over tomorrow. F5 was supposed to come, but he went out of town, which made me sad because I miss him so much. But I'm really excited to spend time with the other two. I feel like I can sort of relax around them. The only downside is that S's boyfriend ( it still takes extra effort to say that) is coming over as well. I hope I can still be comfortable. I have a history of being awkward around him. We've just never really gotten along as well as I have with S's other friends.

Speaking of which, their first date apparently went well, except for the fact that he doesn't have a car and she can't drive in her own, so at the end he left her standing outside of the movie theater for five minutes by herself after his parents came. Let's just say he isn't currently on our mom's good side. What do you guys think? Was that appropriate for him?

I hope you all had happy Thanksgivings or Thursdays. :)

Wish me luck getting the rest of my homework done.

Thank you all.

Goodbye.