My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

10/15/11. It's nighttime!

I was looking through my psychology textbook the other day, and I saw a part that said there was a theory that when the stimulus for one emotion disappears, you feel the opposite emotion. I think they're right.

Also, I might right another "Yours Truly". That's one of my other stories, in case anyone was wondering. Read it if you want to, or if you're bored. It's just more about me. I'm selfish like that.

The clicking sound that my iPod makes when I type is kind of soothing.

All randomness aside, I want to tell you about my friend's party.

She had a lot of people there that we didn't know. In fact, most of the people seemed to not know each other, which made it a little disjointed. I'm a firm believer in parties that only involve one group of friends at a time. Then again, I've only ever had one group of friends.

So since this whole thing is about figuring out my thoughts and feelings, here's what was going on inside my head:

Before we got there I was really nervous, as I always am with parties. Upon arriving, we found one of our friends who also stood out a little, and we stuck with him most of the time. He's really cool.

There were a few people that caused personal reactions.

The first was a girl we used to know in 6th grade. She goes to a different high school. Let me give you some background here. After eigth grade, our middle school separated into 2 high schools. Most people went to the other one, but some went to ours. The students at the other high school, with the exception of F5, all have a major superiority complex. And they all have a tone in their voice that says "I know I'm better than you." Whereas our school has the ,"Aw hell no, girl you did not!" ghetto tone. It's actually kind of fun to try and talk in that voice, because you hear it all through the halls. However, an important thing to note is that the entire school isn't like that; there's a definite separation between the ghetto people and the smart kids. But back to the point! We didn't like this girl back then, and we don't like her now. She's just like the rest of them at that school, rich and spoiled. I mean, she may be a great person besides that, but it kind of ruins the rest of her personality.

The second person was the brother of F8, even though she wasn't there. In case you forgot, F8 is the one I sit with at lunch. So her brother is kind of thought to be a douche by a lot of people because he has a lot of girls chase after him. And I can see why people think that. My frat impression of him was that he seemed kind of uptight and exclusive. It didn't seem like he would willingly talk to anyone outside of his friend group. And I know I'm not really one to talk, since I'm probably the same, but mine is out of anxiety, not superiority. But no offense to him. I don't really know him.

The third is the hardest to talk about. She deserves a name, so we'll call her T3. She's pretty much T1 all over again. I disliked her for the longest time, only because everyone else loves her. She's smart and multitalented and really pretty and Asian, and I'm super jealous of her. She's also the class president, and a senior, just like T1 was. Anyway, we talked to her a lot, and she's actually really nice. I really need to stop judging people based on my own jealousy.

If I write a "Yours Truly", it would be to her.

So I really wanted to write this, because I was left feeling really empty. I don't know why. I just realized how much time I have on my hands, despite all the homework, and how I'm not going to use it for anything. Then I think of the future an how I want so badly to be remarkable, to not waste my life, but I don't know if I have the drive. I think I'm going to get about halfway through college and just give up. I'm so close already to giving up, especially when it's one of those times when we have so much work, and I don't know if I'll be able to handle the real world. I don't know if I can handle life. It might prove to be too much for me. I mean, I can't even make simple decisions or go into a new store or talk to new people, especially without my sister. I don't know where to go or what to do or how I'll make it through.

As I told F4 once, I need to keep myself occupied, or else my mind starts to wander and I get really upset. But at least I have a place to put all those thoughts. If I didn't I'd go crazy. Well, more crazy than I already am.

I think I'm going to end it there. This is a little short, but I wrote two today, so I don't mind.

Thank you to anyone who reads, and especially to anyone who reads continuously. I love reading the comments, and I love getting fans, and I love that I have over 10,000 reads, although I would still write even if no one read it.

( also, a late Happy Birthday to the person who commented on their birthday. Sorry it took so long. This is also to prove that I actually read them :))

So thank you all. I'm going to go to sleep now so I don't feel empty anymore. Goodnight.