Emptiness (Hyunlix)

chapter 63

Felix pov

"At least you don't see me as a mistake"

I don't understand what hyunjin just said. Why is he so hurt by mistake word? I wanted to know why hyunjin is feeling this way? Some one who's good in everything like hyunjin, why would he be so insecure? I know he's afraid of letting people know that he's an orphan but I can't interlink this argument with him being an orphan.

I saw Hyunjin close his eyes still digging his nails on his palms. I have no idea how much time he was doing this. The blood on his palms and marks looks painful. His hands are still shaking.

I just sighed and I got up and turned away from Hyunjin to get bandages for his bleeding palms. Immediately I felt hyunjin grasping my wrist tightly and jolting his eyes open as he looked at me like a scared little puppy.

"Stay still. You'll hurt your hands more this way. I'll be right back" I said sternly so he won't try anything in the meantime.

I sat down next to him and I took his palm gently in mine as I started to clean the blood with cotton. He flinched at first but then he relaxed soon. I want to know why hyunjin is so insecure about himself. I'm done seeing him broken like this, always carrying everything on his own. I may sound like a self centred jerk if i say this but I need to do this.

"I thought my life was perfect. Like i had nothing to ask for. A loving mother who would give me anything if I asked for it, hell she even made me forget that i need a father. Two adorable sisters, an elder brother who would kill anyone if they try to hurt me. Good grades, Money, looks, popularity, friends who actually care for me and not just my money. A personality that everyone loved. No human would ask for more. But...why have I always felt this empty feeling in me?"

I paused for a second thinking all the time before I met hyunjin.

"Like it got suffocating every single day. Every passing day I got sick and tired of people. They make me uncomfortable but I still smiled, they back bitch about me all the time, but still I smiled, they used me for my money but still I smiled,they said they loved me just cuz I was popular and good looking, i accepted it. They straight up dated me even though they know nothing about the real me. Eventually at the end everyone of them left saying I'm not as they expected, I'm not caring enough, i don't actually like them and god how everyone's expectations got crushed down after knowing the real me"

I chuckled dryly as I bandaged on his palms. I just know he did not like what I was saying one bit.

"What would they-" before hyunjin can say anything I cut him off.

"Do you think the same jinnie? Are you disappointed after getting to know me?" I asked while gently brushing his palms and massaging them so he'll feel at ease. Eventually his hands that were shaking are now normal.

"N-no...not at all...all people who made you feel this way...they can go die...they don't deserve you.." hyunjin said while letting me play with his hands.

I smiled as he said that to me. I took both of his palms in mine, i bent down and I gently kissed his palms.

"I feel the same way to the person who made you like this...whoever made you feel like you're a mistake can go die too.. whoever it is, I don't care. They don't deserve you. And they deserve to die" hyunjin flinched as i said those words. He was shocked I was wishing for someone's death that seriously. Even I never thought i would actually wish for something like this. But whenever I saw Hyunjin suffering, he couldn't even explain it to me, this just made me a whole degree turn. Like I'm not the lee Felix aka angel like everyone else wants.

"Do you even know who's death you're wishing for?" He said while looking away from me.

"They made you think loving you would be a mistake...so whoever it is I don't fucking care. They deserve to die" I said sternly, my voice getting way deeper than I expected.