Emptiness (Hyunlix)

chapter 5

Jisung pov

I'm watching hyunjin panicking again for the 100th time today just cause felix said he will be late today and i told him that I'm spending the night at chans cuz we are pulling an all nighter for our song.

He's going feral Just because they're gonna be alone late at night but...'haha this is so fun' i internally smirked at the thought.

I've never thought hyunjin is capable of liking someone, forget about having a crush he doesn't even love himself how can he love someone else? That's what I always thought at the beginning of our 1st year.

Until I saw him looking at felix with the look i never saw on his face. The look of longing? Regret? Idk I feel like there is much more deeper meaning for that look. Whenever I talk about my hangout with Felix he always gave this sad expression as if he wants to be with Felix like that too. And i know no one can tell that he likes felix just by this but hyunjin doesn't seem like.. being Just friends with Felix would be enough for him. After all the time I spent with hyunjin I can definitely tell he has a crush on felix but idk why felix hates him so much.

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We used to fight like all the time. I thought i could never get along with him. The thing is, he never said any hurtful words to me it's always me who said hurtful words to him. Like-
'No one will ever like you
No one can ever stand you
No one wants be friends with you
No one will stand up for you
No one will ever look at you if it wasn't for your face
And mostly no one can ever love you...'

Yes I said those to him and what's even hurtful is that he just shrugged and told me that he already knows that.

'I know jisung i know very well that I will be alone for my whole damn life'
'I was always alone this is nothing new to me'

He said those with a goddamn smile on his face and I was so pissed at him for smiling at that time like 'why would he smile at that time of all times I've never seen him smile, so why now?'

That was the day I saw real hyunjin, his vulnerable side that was the 1st time i saw how much pain a simple smile can show.

The next few Days were same he never cared to talk like normal person. After all the big fights we had i really got that hyunjin says opposite of whatever he thinks. Idk why he is like this no matter how much of an introvert you are, how can he be this bad at socializing?

I mean Introverts are generally shy and they stutter a lot I know that cuz I used to have social anxiety too when I was a kid but i learnt to be more talkative and loud as I grew up. But hyunjin is not like this at all.

He is never shy and does not stutter at all. He looks at people straight & spat 2 or 3 words and then he will ignore them like they don't exist. It's like he never talked to anyone while growing up or like no one told him how to speak? Idk i really don't.

I noticed that he wouldn't even eat properly like he eats lunch in cafeteria afternoon at college that too alone and that's it. He won't eat anything in morning or night. I started to bring food to him at night time and he refused to eat at the start. But I kept bringing food everyday at night for him then he eventually started to give up on being stubborn and ate the food as the food was being wasted every day and he doesn't like to waste the food. He still wouldn't eat much.

We started eating together at night everyday and i got to talk to him time to time. We even went out for snacks sometimes that's how i got to know him and what a drama ilama he can be. He also became somewhat comfortable around me. He still never opened up to me and still ignore me but at least he is himself.

And i really never thought hyunjin is this dramatic god right now i really want that Hyunjin back who ignored everything. 'lix what did you do to him man?'

"JISUNG HOW CAN HE JUST SAY THAT HE WILL COME TO MY ROOM LATE AT NIGHT??"
"LIKE DOESN'T HE HATE ME? WHY DID TELL ME THAT HE WILL BE LATE?"
"OMG WHAT IF HE WANTS TO BEAT ME UP? I MEAN HE ALREADY KNOWS THAT YOUR STAYING AT HIS BROTHER'S ROOM AND HE SAW THE PERFECT TIME!!!"
"OR WHAT IF HE-"

"SHUT UP HYUNJIN" I cut his fucked up thoughts by shouting.

"You know lix is too kind for any of that right?" I said

"I know I know I'm just really shocked right now because we have a bigger part for the project and if he comes late it may take up to midnight to complete it." He said with a worried look on his face.

"What exactly are you worried about now hyunjin?" I asked him as i didn't get why he is being like this

"And it's not safe for him to leave at midnight" he whispered slowly if the room wasn't this quiet i wouldn't have heard it.

"Awwwww Are you worried for your hubby now?" I can't believe he is worrying!!! Hyunjin is worried about someone!! 'omg lix you really did something to him'

"What?! no, of course not-" he tried to protest

"Yeah sure but don't worry he got 63 medals in taekwondo and a black belt he can easily crush whoever it is" i said to him

He sighed as relief

But again why would I leave him like that?? "Or do you want him to stay the night here? You do right? I knew it"  i laughed at him while he glared at me. 'oh no he is really pissed right now i must get out now'

"Ok now bye hyunjinie enjoy the night with your hubby" i said and ran off before he started to curse at me.

Everyone needs a friend like jisung please 🥺 he's adorable 😍