Emptiness (Hyunlix)

chapter 32

Hyunjin pov

"What?no-!!I- just" he is trying to tell me something between his crying.

I cupped his cheeks stroking them with my thumb.

"It's fine if you don't like doing this with me anymore. You don't have to be sorry at all. I will get up now. Don't want to make you uncomfortable" I said and I was about to get up from his lap.

But he pulled me back and hugged tightly. Burying his head in my chest.

"No jinnie it's not that, please don't think like this" he said while tears were still flowing down his cheek.

"Yongbok-ah it's fine I understa-mhm"  he cut me off by kissing me. He kissed me while holding me so tight in his arms.

"No jinnie what do mean I don't like doing this with you?
Whenever you're close to me all I want to do is-
Take you in my arms
Kiss your lips
Touch all over your body
Kiss every inch of you
I want to pounce on you each time you are close me. I can't control myself at all, this is scaring me that I might lose my shit and hurt you at last" he cried on my chest saying these all without looking at me still burying his face in my chest.

"Felix....I-" I was about to talk to him but he continued to talk.

"And there is no relationship between us. Even if we start dating I'm scared that i might hurt you like I did to others. I'm sorry because I couldn't give you what you want. I don't know how I feel about this I'm not sure myself" he exhaled after saying all that.

I was stroking my fingers between his hair and Rubbing circles on his back with other hand this whole time.

I cupped his cheeks bringing his face away from my chest and I bent down kissing his tears.

"Why do you still look pretty even while your crying? I thought people will look less pretty when they cry. I guess you're really an angel then" i said and he chuckled, stopped crying.

"Jinnie seriously it's not the time!" He said slightly hitting my chest with his hands.

"Yongbok-ah is that why you were crying before too?" I asked him

He nodded.

"Tell me everything that is worrying you felix" I said.

"I was talking to Minho hyung and jisung before this. And they kinda opened my eyes how I hurt all my past partners. How i didn't like them really" he said.

Now i understand where this all coming from

"Did jisung tell you to stop being close to me?" I asked him while frowning.

"No!!no!!he said no such thing. He said that I should stay as just friends with you until I figure my feelings. And he said that he doesn't want you to get hurt. And he is right jinnie" he said looked down.

"You deserve someone who gives attention to you and takes care of you. Who will make you feel special" he said.

"Funny how the first person who gave attention to me is telling me this" I said while laughing dryly.

"Felix... did I ever ask you for more?" I asked him while lifting his face up to look at me.

"No.." he said.

"And I will not ask for more. I like this. I like what we are having now. I feel special just by this. I want to feel this as much time as possible until we both want it. Not thinking about the relationship we have" I said smiling at him.

"But jinnie we are not dating and I don't how I feel. We can't be friends with benefits with these mixed up feelings what if-" he is ramblings things again.

"Felix do you feel like kissing me whenever I'm near to you?" I asked him while looking straight in his eyes.

"Yes I feel like kissing you until you can't breathe" he said while taking a breath shakily.

"And do you want to do more things?" I asked him.

"Yeah many more things that you have no idea. I want to feel you so close. It feels so right" he said and i chuckled at that.

"Me too felix. I want to feel you close like this and feel every inch of your body." I said to him.

I leaned my forehead on his while closing my eyes feeling his breathing close to my face.

"We don't have to label our relationship. We don't have to date. We don't have to tell anyone. Let's stay like this until we both want to. We will stop if any one of us wants to stop or if any one of us finds a partner. We can go back to how it was before, as just friends" I said feeling nervous that he might reject it.

"Jinnie are you sure about it? Cuz it might change everything between us now" he asked me while looking at me with disbelief.

"Everything's already changed the day when your hand was in between my thighs" I said while looking at him.

"Seriously now...do you really have to joke in a situation like this jinnie?" He said.

We both busrt out in laughter while hugging each other.

"I think i should get up now or your legs will feel numb" I said and i was about to go.

"No don't want you to leave. Want you close. Want you in my arms. It's too soon" he whinned while holding me.

"Common on now I will be close to you as much as you want when we get to my room. Jisung is at your brother's anyway. You can even sleep if you want to" I said.

"Really!!!!? Can I???? yayyyy!!I can cuddle jinnie now!!" He pounced on me excitedly and we fall on down back.

He kept his hand behind my head to stop me from hitting the ground. Fuck I'm soft for this type of things.

"How can your legs move even though I sat on you this much time?" I asked him and he laughed.

"Just because you're tall that doesn't mean I can't lift you. I spent too much time with binnie in the gym. So your so soft than me" he said.

"What do mean soft?" I asked him as I was curious what he is talking about.

"Your thighs. You have no idea how sexy you looked when you were in that short. I wanted to bite every inch from legs to your inner sides of thigh" he said looking at me like he wants to eat me now.

"You should've done it then but-" I said while I held his hand and placed it to my chest.

"My thighs are not the only ones that are soft" I said looking at him, wanting him to fuck me already.

He licked his lips and bit his lower lip.

"Jinnie let's go to your room right now or I might actually rip your clothes off and fuck you right here" he whispered with his deep voice that sent shivers all over my body.