(Drowning Series - Book One)
Alexandra Ariana Marino; The first born girl in three generations, known as the girl who always smiles and lights up her family's life.
Suddenly tragedy takes hold of her and she loses both of her parents right in fron...
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Manuel Reece Lopez
Tuesday November 7, 2023
"People ger so tired of asking you what's wrong and you've run out of nothings to tell them. You've tried and they've tried, but the words just turn to ashes every time they try to leave your mouth. They start as a fire in the pit of your stomach, but come out in a puff of smoke. You are not you anymore. And you don't know how to fix this. The worst par is... You don't even know how to try." ~ Trauma steals your voice, Nikita Gill
I remember a time where I felt unbelievably alone, even in the most crowded of places, as a matter of fact that is when I felt the most alone.
Sorrow and sadness were etches into every crevice of my face and yet nobody seemed to bat an eye at the boy that was slipping off the edge.
I remember a time where I felt like I was standing alone on a lost and far too crowded street, surrounded by strangers that were never friends to me.
It took a long time, perhaps longer than necessary if I just had one person that noticed the lack of laughter that never escaped my lips, but I've realized especially in recent times that I'm not alone.
I never was, so why did I feel like I was the last living person on this planet? So isolated and so fucking alone.
It will never stop hurting completely but after a while it does get easier, I didn't believe that just last year but now I do.
It took a while, it took doctors, it took reaching out and asking for help... It took it almost being too late...
But I can actually say I'm okay and mean it, I can laugh, and I can smile and have it actually reach my eyes, I'm not alone and I know that now.
It's crazy to think about though, you're trauma is no where near your fault and yet you have to get up and take responsibility for your healing before it kills you.
I will never understand that part.
"Manny, you gotta get up kid." My uncles soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
"Five more minutes." I groan, knowing if I didn't say anything at all he would freak out and call my therapist claiming that I'm falling back into the void as I like to refer to it as.
The void of nothingness, where even breathing feels exhausting. I don't want to think about that anymore though but Robbie makes it really hard, constantly bringing it up or panicking over every little thing I do or say...
I know he means well but bringing it up all the time doesn't help, and sometimes all it does is make me feel guilty... Guilty for feeling I suppose.
I don't think I could ever mention that to him though, he just cares but unfortunately there is such a thing as caring too much, to the point it's suffocating and overbearing. I won't fret.
