(Drowning Series - Book One)
Alexandra Ariana Marino; The first born girl in three generations, known as the girl who always smiles and lights up her family's life.
Suddenly tragedy takes hold of her and she loses both of her parents right in fron...
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Alexandra Ariana Marino
Monday October 16, 2023
"Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure but not the urge to be productive, It's wanting friends but hating to socialize, It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It's caring about everything then caring about nothing, It's feeling everything at once and then feeling paralyzingly numb." ~ Unknown
Often times with depression, you don't seem to care about much of anything. With anxiety you care far too much about everything. Being cursed with both is what I imagine walking through hell feels like.
Then you keep all of the haunting thoughts to yourself because you never imagined it would be so difficult to find people that can actually understand.
Truthfully, I just want to sleep, a coma would be nice or even amnesia, anything to rid my mind of the thoughts and whispers that continue to run through my head at lightning speed.
The first time I thought it would be a one time thing, by the tenth time I realized you can't change someone that doesn't see a problem with their actions. If only I didn't feel so freaking weak all the time, like no matter how emotionally strong I am, I will never be strong enough to fight the inner battle with myself.
I have come to realize that people often think 'overwhelming sadness' when they think of depression, they seem to think that it means you are dressing in all black or crying at all hours of the day.
That's not always the case, most of the time it's not, sure a person with depression may prefer to wear all black, I know I rather wear darker colors, but that has everything to do with personal preference and nothing to do with the mental illness within itself, and sure someone with depression may be overwhelmingly sad. There is a lot of things to be sad about.
The world fucking sucks.
However, depression isn't wearing all black.
Depression isn't sobbing until you have no tears left to cry.
Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. It's being numb to emotions, or even being numb to life. You simply wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again.
A human being can survive almost anything as long as they can see an end in sight. Depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it is nearly impossible to ever see that end.
It really doesn't help when everyone around you insist on lying to you about everything and anything.
It actually fucking terrifies me that you never really know what someone is thinking or feeling towards you, all you can do is go off of their word, but their word can all be a massive freaking lie.
