(Drowning Series - Book One)
Alexandra Ariana Marino; The first born girl in three generations, known as the girl who always smiles and lights up her family's life.
Suddenly tragedy takes hold of her and she loses both of her parents right in fron...
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Alexandra Ariana Marino
Sunday October 15, 2023
Isn't it sad? When you're own family doesn't even know who you are? I think if I'm being honest with myself, I don't even know who I am anymore. Not this version of me anyway.
Everybody remembers the little girl hanging from her papa's arm or running around with her cousin and twin brother following closely behind her, but nothing is the same. Maybe nothing will ever be the same.
Everything I once did reminded me of the family I once had and it hurts knowing they are so far out of reach.
Maybe not physically but I've come to realize that them being emotionally distant hurts far worse, I can still see them and yet they aren't fucking here. They are never fucking here.
I'm quickly reaching a point in my life where I am so beyond used to all the fucked up shit that keeps getting thrown at me. From the people that insist on talking behind my back to the people that insist on hating me with no probable cause.
Trailing all the way to the people that love watching me bleed, and not caring when I fall to the ground in pain.
Childhood promises being broken and that hit by a train so there are no remains of the simple words that once connected all of us.
There are people that you once talked to every single day that you will never speak to again, that's the sad truth.
Honestly, I can't care anymore, it hurts so fucking much that it almost burns and I am beyond exhausted so from now on I will just say I'm used to it.
I think one of the hardest pills to swallow is when you discover that people just do not care, they will hurt you. Completely break you beyond repair and then go on with their lives, not at all affected by the pain they caused you. It doesn't matter who you are.
You say you want to stop feeling, you claim it would hurt far less if you couldn't feel anything at all, but then you reach this point of complete numbness and once you hit that void you would do anything to feel something, anything really.
I always did like watching blood spill, it's satisfying in some sick and twisted way, watching the stream of crimson flow down my thigh is the only thing that reminds me that I'm still alive.
It's a bit ironic, I hardly feel it when I cause myself harm but when others go out to injure me, I feel like I'm going to actually die. Why is that?
I soon decided to ignore the growing questions and clean myself up so I can walk to the kitchen for a small snack or something, I actually can't recall the last time that I ate and I don't think that's healthy, but what do I know? I'm not a dietitian.
