(Drowning Series - Book One)
Alexandra Ariana Marino; The first born girl in three generations, known as the girl who always smiles and lights up her family's life.
Suddenly tragedy takes hold of her and she loses both of her parents right in fron...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Alexandra Ariana Marino
Wednesday October 18, 2023
Do you ever feel like you life isn't even yours? That you have absolutely zero control of anything?
That everyone around you is living their lives and you're stuck in the perpetual mode of just watching and waiting, but you don't even know what you're waiting for.
I am so damn tired or waiting for fucking nothing, and I'm so sick of tired of being so God damn tired.
I woke up this morning and I honestly wish I didn't.
Not that I really want die or anything of that nature but I don't know, I guess I actually do, or maybe I just want this nagging pain to stop.
I haven't quite decided yet.
I just don't want to be anywhere, I really don't want to talk to anyone, and I don't think I want to be anyone. I want to simply disappear, or live out a phenomenon that wipes me from existence so nobody will remember the girl who once was Alexandra Ariana Marino.
I feel like that would make things a whole lot easier for everyone. How sad is it? The only reason I haven't taken my life is because I worry about what will come of Dante, but it's really only a matter of time before the flame burns right through the tightrope and I plumet to my inevitable doom.
It's really fucking hard lying all the damn time, 'playing pretend' as I like to call it, as if my entire life isn't wrapped up with a single word... 'mistake'...
But then again, I don't know how to stop, the lying comes naturally to me now. I don't even have to stop and think about it anymore, If there ever comes a time where I actually want to tell the full truth I think a lie will still come out in its place.
Most people don't know what happened that day, Alessio was there but I think it happened so fast that he can't recall every last detail like I can, that day plays in my head like a sick joke.
I know Dante knows more but even he doesn't know everything, I just couldn't tell him everything, it would destroy him.
In the end, I think I would rather die than wake up and keep feeling the way that I feel, but then again... Dante lost my parents, who were more like parents to him than his own, and then his lost Rebecca... I know Becky was right when she said he couldn't handle losing me on top of all of that mess. At least not yet, not so soon after Becks.
In the future when that wound isn't so fresh, or if slash when he meets somebody else that he can lean on instead of me.
That is if he ever meets somebody that he doesn't threaten to set on fire the second they speak to him...
