Theory Of Love

ch38

I can only see that he’s getting further away.                                       
As I walked into the parking lot, I put the sausage in my mouth.  What comforts me is that Third still remembers that I like to eat sausages, but he forgot that I don’t like mayonnaise, and he shoved a bunch of it that almost made me puke.                                      
The basement of the art department building was in chaos, because we had to count all the money we had collected today and do the math before we could go home.  Clearly, the superiors are in charge of this work, but Third refused to leave yet, saying he would not go home until P'Cent had finished.
He seems like a lovely little brother. Well, his own girlfriend doesn’t take care of him as well as he does.                                         
"It’s almost 10:00, so it won’t affect anything if we go first." I really don’t understand. I also admit that I used to be more reasonable than I am now, but while things are related to Third, I immediately start making trouble.
"You can leave if you want, don’t wait for me
"How can I do that? If we come together, we go together".                                         
"P'Cent and P'An are here. They can send me home. "                                          
"P'An isn't a nice guy. I don’t like him messing with you".
"You’re messing with me too
"I don’t like myself and I don’t know what’s wrong".                                         
"..."                                          
I really hate myself, because my heart is like a dam that’s about to burst. I’m afraid of losing him. And I’m afraid it’s all too late.
"There’s also something about the sausage. I don’t eat mayo. Did you forget that?" 
"P'An bought it. I didn’t see it."
"You gave it to me. Why didn’t you buy it for me?"
"What difference does it make?"
"Where is it the same?  The taste is the same, but the feelings are different.  One more thing, are you talking to him on Line? "
"It is work-related".
"You can talk about it in college".
"There are also personal matters."
"Let me see. If I were you, I wouldn’t give him my Line. He doesn’t look trustworthy".
"And you gave your Line to the whole school, what qualifies you to talk about it?"
"Forget it, I’m not qualified."  But I’m possessive, even if I’m not qualified, I’m not satisfied.  So I turned my back on him in anger.  I do everything I can to adjust my mood. Third has given up on me. It’s very hard for him to fall in love with me again. My selfish behavior may not be a good way to chase people.
We sat at the table in the basement for almost an hour, and all the superiors came into the conference room to talk about certain things, leaving the two of us sitting on our backs in a rage. I tried not to look at him, but in the end I couldn’t help myself.
"Third..."
"..."
"What.. What are you...?" the phrase disappeared from my throat when I saw Third. Third it seems he didn’t notice when he fell asleep on the table. He put one side of his face on his arm and his mouth was slightly open. He looked like a child. I sat and looked at him without blinking.
Sometimes it’s good to sleep quietly, at least you can let me look at you quietly, if one day you belong to someone else, can I accept it?  I don’t want to think about it.
[Flashback - Scene from the past]
[*Kai, when you watch a movie, what kind of scene do you think best expresses love?
It has to be sex".
*Go back to your room and punch yourself...
+Just kidding, for me, it’s a kiss.
*...  
+After a kiss, your eyes will meet... 
*What a cliché.
+You like it too. 
*It’s usually good. Don’t you like it when you kiss the person you love? 
+Wait until you really love someone, then I will answer your question again. ]
All I could think about was kissing, kissing, it was all about kissing, and I couldn’t take my eyes off the sleeping man’s mouth. We once had a deep kiss, but it had nothing to do with love, back then I was full of doubts, and he didn’t want to.
At that moment Third wept miserably. His eyes, lips and sobs were deeply etched in my mind, and I could never forget him.
Today, I want more, I want to do it...... Everything is fine. Everything is fine...
My heart is very tangled, but in the end the devil in my head defeated the angel, I got up and sat closer to him. Then I leaned over his face, and Third’s breath touched the tip of my nose. The next second our lips were glued together.
It’s better to touch it lightly, not kiss it deeply.
But the moment our lips touched, the sleeping man woke up immediately. It happened so fast I didn’t have time to move my lips.
Third slowly opened his eyes. At this distance, I may not be able to see who’s on the other side, but I knew I should know what was going on. My mind was spinning fast to keep him from getting angry. I have to find a reason quickly.
"Uh..."
I moved my mouth back a little bit, just a little bit
We talked about this that day, if one day I find someone who really loves, I would tell you, and now I’ve found the answer, my answer is that I like you, because I love you, so I like to kiss you. 
"Third, I am..."
"Who do you think I am this time?"
"..."
"I’m not one of those people you’re hitting on." 
"...!"
It was like being severely struck by lightning. I felt numb throughout my body. When I regained my sanity again, I was slowly receding, though my legs
They were still shaking involuntarily.
Third finally seemed to be wide awake. By the time he adjusted his eyes, he should be able to see clearly that I was here. I didn’t know what expression to make of it.
"What woman do you think I am this time?"  His voice was very soft, but I could hear it very clearly.
"I kissed you because I..." I decided to tell the truth.
"Don’t ever do this to me again. Don’t make me end my friendship with you". 
"Third, in fact..."
"Just seeing you makes me hate you more."
"... do you feel that way?"
"..."
"You never said you hated me, why didn’t you tell me from the beginning so I could control my heart...? How long have you hated me?"
Now my mind is terribly blank, my face is burning.... Soon after, there was a loud voice from the group of superiors behind me. They would come out and I would slowly retreat.
"Ready. Let’s go home." I heard P'Cent’s voice, when I looked back I saw his face and P'An’s face. Now everything is very clear, no
I did nothing and we didn’t say a word, but I admit defeat, I walked quietly into the parking lot.
Now Third probably doesn’t want to go home with a guy as nasty as me.
Even when I kissed him, he thought I was joking. I’m so pathetic. Ahhhhhhhhhh...
I didn’t hesitate to turn on my bike and drove off at high speed. I wanted to get away from that place as soon as possible. Nobody could see me sad at night.  I don’t know how fast I’m driving either. I just know my face is hot and my eyes are moist. God only knows how much my heart hurts.
Will everything be the same tomorrow? Will you still be my friend tomorrow? Or will you already belong to someone else?
[Flashback - Scene from the past] [*If one day I get lost, will you leave me?
+Impossible. 
*Then, if I am sad, will you comfort me?
+Any time, anywhere.
*You said for yourself that you will not abandon me. 
+I promise. ]
The world was turning before my eyes, and my whole body suddenly went numb, and soon I felt a strong tremor, especially in my hands, my nose filled with the smell of blood, and I did all I could to clear my sight. But I can only see the shadows of the trees in the dark.
I could feel my head spinning, but I got up, I squeezed my
teeth as the pain slowly began to spread. Charlie was across the road, away from me, and I can’t remember how I fell, because I wasn’t paying attention to driving properly at the time, I just remember thinking about someone at the time.
Did anyone?  Third’s appearance began to emerge before my eyes. I tried to stand with my shaky legs. I didn’t have the strength to lift Charlie. My school uniform was broken. I didn’t know how dirty my clothes were because of the lack of light.I struggled to get back on the road because I remembered that I had promised him that I would never leave him.
Every step I took was extremely difficult, as if my leg bones were broken
The unknown liquid flowing from my head covered my eyes, or were my tears?  The sight in front of me gives me the feeling of being drunk. I can’t concentrate at all.
I don’t know what’s gonna happen between me and Third tomorrow, but I’m never gonna lose him, even if he hates me for it.
It was very late and there was only silence around me. I walked step by step. I kept praying that the other person wouldn’t leave because I had to keep my promise. I had to get to him, that’s all I care about.
Fortunately, I am not far away, the lights of the engineering building illuminated the road. Now I can see myself, my clothes and my pants are all ripped and crushed with blood, and my hands are all scratched. What’s more, the red liquid flowing from my head has started to be slightly slimy, and I may have broken my head, but it doesn’t matter I just want to get to it.
The smell of blood almost made me want to vomit, but I couldn’t stop. I had to walk back slowly to the art department building.  At the intersection I saw P'An and a man.
"Kai!"  Someone shouted in surprise. I don’t know whose voice it was, but it definitely wasn’t Third.
You can finally see that little man standing at the end of the road...
The person in front of me is looking at me with wide eyes. It’s really nice. My intense and laborious breathing makes me unable to say what I really feel in my heart. I can only approach him with small steps.
I finally found some strength and a reason to talk.
"Third, I’ve come to fetch you to go home..."
"..."
"Sorry to keep you waiting so long..."
"..."
"Don’t hate me please, let’s go home together..."
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No I'm not crying.. I'm not crying at all😭😭😭😭😭😭