The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 124

I woke up with Shawn's strong arms holding me tightly against his long body. It felt wonderful, but it also made me sad because it was only temporary. The conversation we had earlier exacerbated this feeling, since now I couldn't stop thinking about where we would be if I hadn't fucked everything up.

He started to move next to me, indicating he was waking up, too, and a few seconds later there were kisses being peppered along my shoulder. "That was an amazing nap." One of his hands moved between my legs and began stroking me. "But waking up like this is even more amazing."

I couldn't argue with that. I showed him I was in agreement by pressing my ass against him, which he responded to immediately. He lifted my top leg slightly, granting him access to my core, and cautiously eased himself inside me. This sexual position, which was essentially leveled-up spooning, had always been one of our favorites to utilize right after waking up. It was perfect for lazy lovemaking and had the added bonus of him being able to finger my most sensitive spot.

"How's that feel, baby?" he breathed in my ear as he began slowly moving in and out of me.

"Heavenly."

We took our time, and both of us came to a momentous conclusion at the exact same time, which wasn't easy to do. Afterwards, we stayed in the same position while he traced the pads of his fingers across my skin as we recovered.

"I'm starving," he said after a bit.

"What time is it?" We'd had lots of sex, which resulted in me being both sore and exhausted from the rigorous, yet satisfying, activity. A nap had been the logical solution, though now I wasn't sure how long we'd slept.

He reached across me for his phone. "Two-thirty-six."

"I should get going."

"What? No! I vote that we go grab a late lunch, head back to your place so that you can feed Inky, and then spend the rest of the weekend in bed."

Rolling over so that I could face him, I said, "I can't. I have plans later."

A slight scowl formed on his beautiful face. "Plans you can't cancel?"

I could have lied, but I'd vowed not to do that again. "I have a date." I watched as his countenance changed. It took a second for my words to sink in, and then his expression shifted from shocked to sad to angry in a matter of seconds.

"A date?"

"Yes. I'm on Bumble, and I have my first meet-up with a match."

He released me from his hold and scooted away from me, sitting up against the headboard. "You just spent half the day in bed with me and now you're leaving to go out with a stranger you met on the internet?"

"I guess that's technically correct, but it's not nearly as sleazy as you put it. It's not like I went to coffee with plans to fuck you."

"But you had no problem planning two dates in one day," he spat back.

"Was our coffee a date or just two friends hanging out?"

"I don't know what happens when you hang out with your friends, but I've never gone down on Brian after we met up for lunch or fucked Connor or Matt or Ian until they were raw after clubbing!"

"You're being really crass," I said as I climbed out of bed.

"Because I'm upset about this, Lucy! What kind of game are you playing?"

Ignoring his question, I gathered up my clothes and took them into the bathroom to change. I peed first, and as I sat on the toilet, I thought about his reaction. I'd be just as upset as he was if the tables were turned, so it wasn't that I didn't understand. At the same time, we weren't a couple, so I wasn't obligated to tell him about my personal life.

When I reemerged, Shawn was wearing his fleece pants and was sitting on the side of the bed scowling. "I'm not playing a game," I told him since he appeared to be waiting for my answer.

"You're fucking with my feelings."

"Am I? Is it similar to how you seduced me on Christmas and then said nothing had changed and that you hadn't forgiven me? Or how you told me you loved me that same day and two weeks later hooked up in Hawaii? Because if it is, we're equally as guilty!"

"I thought you weren't mad about Hawaii!" he said angrily.

"I'm not, and you shouldn't be mad about this. I guess I could have told you beforehand when I first got to the café, but this can't be a huge surprise since I mentioned that I was going to start dating over a month ago."

He ran his hands through his hair with frustration. "All those nights we talked on the phone, you never thought to tell me that you were connecting with men on whatever that app is?"

"This is my very first date, but if at some point I were to get involved with someone, of course I would tell you."

"I just don't get what's going on here. What do you want from me?"

"I want you in my life as my friend, but obviously we can't keep things from becoming physical. If you're going to get possessive when we aren't even together, then I guess this isn't working out," I told him.

Shawn stared at me before standing up and shaking his head. "Jesus Christ. I'm such a fucking idiot." Then he walked out of the bedroom and into his small studio in the adjacent room, closing the door behind him.

I left without saying goodbye and was fine until I got to my car. That's when the floodgates opened and would not stop. The crying brought on another searing headache, and I had to sit there until I'd calmed myself down enough that the pain let up slightly. He was right. I had been playing a dangerous game, but I thought he was rolling the dice with me.

When I got home, I crawled in bed and let myself sob into my pillow for half an hour. After that, I got up and drank a weight-gain shake, which was the only thing I'd consumed all day other than the Nutella coffee. Even though I'd showered that morning, I needed to take another one since I was a sticky mess from all the sex. I definitely would not be hooking up with Stephen, because banging two guys in one day was not me, but it felt gross to show up to a date with the remains of my exploits with Shawn still inside me.

After wiping away the steam, I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and cringed. My eyes were red and puffy, and my entire face was splotchy. Maybe I needed to cancel my plans and accept that I was never getting over Shawn.

"No!" I told myself. "Get your shit together!"

I went to my bedroom and searched how to fix my hideous face. Using multiple methods, including putting cold cucumber slices on my eyes and tea bags on my cheeks, it was good enough that the rest could be covered with makeup. I definitely didn't look my best, but I wasn't at my very worst, and I needed to take consolation in that.

The weather was beautiful and had warmed up considerably since the morning, so I dressed in a strappy pink sundress and some vintage espadrilles that belonged to my mom. I added a necklace and earrings and surveyed my appearance one last time before grabbing my keys and bag.

Because I didn't want to give my address to someone I didn't know well, Stephen and I were meeting at Kōst, a trendy restaurant on the rooftop of the Bisha Hotel. I'd looked it up online and was intrigued by the fact that the food was labeled as Californian. What I'd failed to notice was that it was only three blocks from Shawn's condo, so when I plugged it into my GPS, I got that surprise; I was literally returning to the scene of the crime.