The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 97

"I'm going to miss you," Shawn pouted as he sat on the bed and watched me get dressed to go out with my friends.

"We spend every weekday apart while I work. How is this any different?"

"Its different because we're always together at night and on the weekends. You're going to be gone all afternoon and it's Saturday," he whined.

"Someone is feeling needy." I finished tying my boots and sat on his lap. "You didn't hear me complaining when you went to New York for a few days last week."

Shawn had a meeting with Tommy Hilfiger to discuss new facets of the campaign they'd teamed up for earlier in the year. He asked me to come with him, but I was overwhelmed with work, so I declined. My dad and uncles had lots of holiday-related contracts, and I was responsible for all the invoices and billing on top of my normal duties.

Shawn frowned. "I don't like being called that."

"Needy?"

"Yeah. Whenever I hear that, it makes me feel like the relationship is one-sided."

I cupped his stubbly cheek with my hand. "I wasn't implying that at all, and I don't think either of us should worry about things being unequal. We love each other."

"Even love can be lopsided."

My heart sunk in my stomach because there was so much pain wrapped inside his words. I'd suspected that either he or Camila had a shift in their feelings, ultimately leading to their breakup, but we'd never talked about who it was. He told me it was mutual, yet when most couples end things, there's one person who pulls away first. I'd listened to their post-relationship songs, and the lyrics seemed contradictory- they each came across as wounded by the other. Perception is everything, though, and it obviously hurt on both sides.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked as I looked into his sad eyes. He nodded in response. "I may not have said anything when you were in New York, but that doesn't mean I didn't struggle with you being gone. Every night, I missed falling asleep in your arms and then when I woke up, I reached for you and found an empty space where you were supposed to be."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You have a career that's going to take you away from me a lot, so I have to learn how to cope. I know it's easier to be the one leaving than the one left behind, but you need to support that I have things in my life outside of you."

"I do support that, baby. You're making me feel bad about saying I'll miss you," he said.

"I don't want that, and I honestly kinda love that you'll miss me. I just can't be made to feel guilty for going out to lunch and Christmas shopping. You're going away for months at a time next year, so we need to practice being cool with separations now."

"There's an easy solution to the tour problem. I meant it when I said you should come. I'll find a job for you or we can make sure you can keeping doing your current one from the road. You work from home now, so what's the difference?"

We'd had this discussion a couple times over the last few weeks and I'd been a bit dismissive. It's not that I didn't like the idea, but it was a lot. We'd only started saying we loved each other after the trial, so this felt premature. He agreed when I told him that, but obviously he wasn't letting go of the idea.

"What do I do with Inky?" I asked instead of focusing on the deeper reasons for my reluctance.

"You said she loves living with your dad because of the mice in his basement."

"Right, and if she's there too long she's going to hate coming back to my tiny mouse-free apartment."

He kissed my nose. "She can move into my condo."