The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 98

I drove straight home after my fight with my best friends, though what I wanted to do was go to Shawn's so that he could hold me in his arms and comfort me. There was no way to do that without telling him why I was upset, and he'd be confused by the dream thing. It was so far in the past that there was no reason to explain it to him now.

Inky ran over to me and meowed loudly after I stepped inside my apartment, so I scooped her up and used her as a cuddle substitute for my boyfriend even if it wasn't quite the same. I took her to my bedroom and set her down before changing into some sweats and a hoodie of Shawn's. Then I got into bed and let the tears I'd been holding in spill out, though my cry-fest was interrupted almost immediately by a knock at the door. When I saw Briya and Fallon through the peephole, I briefly considered ignoring them, but that just wasn't me.

"We got lunch to go," Briya said as they entered my apartment.

"I'm not hungry," I said as I scowled at them.

"Okay, but we are." Fallon sat down at my table and started unpacking the boxes while Briya went in the kitchen for drinks.

I took a seat and waited for one of them to explain the intrusion.

"Fuck, this is good," Fallon said after taking a bite of her burger.

"Gimme a taste," Bri insisted.

Watching them eat made my empty stomach growl, so I opened my to-go container and peeked at my tacos, which looked delicious. I picked one up and tasted it, and soon it was gone. The three of us finished our meals in silence, and then Bri cleaned up the table.

"Now that we avoided letting a good meal go to waste, it's time to talk," Fallon said firmly.

"I don't want to fight anymore."

"Neither do we." Briya took my hand in hers. "We're both really sorry about what we said earlier and you need to know that we didn't mean to upset you."

I choked back tears. "I accept your apology, but you really hurt me. I would never question the love you two share in a million years, and it felt like you were attacking me. I know you've been super supportive of me throughout my recovery and then at the trial, but you aren't being supportive now."

"Which is shitty," Fallon said with a nod of her head. "Can I try to explain?"

"I think it's only going to make me feel worse."

She grabbed my other hand. "Then why don't you explain your side more."

I took a deep breath. "I know that when I came out of the coma, I was really confused and that it was hard for you and my dad. I wish I could adequately share just how real the dream felt at that time, but I know that's not possible. It was like I lived seven months and then lost them."

"We obviously don't know what that was like," Bri said, "but we understand it was terrible for you, given your reaction."

"It was, but the dream has faded and isn't significant anymore. I only remember it in a very vague sense but the details are gone. I made a conscious decision to stop thinking about it or making comparisons, and I need the two of you to let go of it, too."

"Did you ever tell Shawn about it?" Fallon asked.

I wanted this discussion to be over, so I made a split second decision and lied. "Yeah, and we had a good laugh about it."

"If you know you love the real him and he knows that, too, then who are we to judge?" Briya stated.

"So we're good now?" Fallon wanted to know.

"Yes," I told them both. "Promise me this is the last time we'll talk about the dream."

"We promise," they said in unison.